Merry Christmas

I am officially finished with school!!! I am done with classes, student teaching, and all that fun stuff, I have graduated. I am so proud of myself. Five years ago I decided to go to school and get my degree. It was a goal that challenged me and stretched me to my capacity at times but I did it!!! When I was doing my student teaching I struggled a bit with matching the standards and learning goal. I see all these cute writing activities on Pinterest but I had to really think about what is the learning goal and does it match the standards. My mentor teacher and field supervisor wanted me to do more lesson planning so I could get the practice in. There was one lesson that I was struggling with the anticipatory set. Have you ever been so tired and stressed that something so simple escapes your mind? That was me. I had asked my mentor teacher for some help and instead of being supportive and helpful like she said she would be, she tells me I will have to struggle through it. I laughed and told her I was so tired and stressed it was taking me longer to “get it”. She said we all get stressed and I cut her off. I am 46 years old with 3 children, 2 marriages under my belt (the second much better but still), sicknesses, mental illness, suicide attempts, etc I have struggled through plenty!!! What I do need is that mentor that is supportive and gives tips on what worked for her when she was struggling. She then asked me what would I do if she wasn’t there? I told her honestly I would ask my other teacher friend. I learn better by talking things out, shown and told examples, and seeing it done.

That was disappointing. I understand this was her first time mentoring a student teacher and I asked her would she say such a thing to a student if they weren’t understanding something? If she does then that is terrible because that is not how it should be done!

We did get through it and it was awesome that we both learned new things from each other. I have been in preschool for 14 years so I did bring some good ideas to the classroom. Just because someone has been teaching for a long time doesn’t mean something can’t inspire you to try new things. When my mentor and I talked about the class and how we could help certain students it was so much fun because we love the kids. The principal wants my resume so I have to get that updated.

A few days before I was done with student teaching my stomach was cramping, bloating, and just feeling awful. Each day everything got worse. On my last day of ST (student teaching) I went to the urgent care. They noticed I had sugar in my urine and then tested my blood sugars 196….holy shit! So they send me to the ER because I need imaging done. I get to the ER and they take blood, do a CT scan on me. I have diverticulitis and my sugars went up to 208. WHAAAAAT? I hadn’t eaten since 12:15 and it was 6:00. They put me on cipro and flagyl. What is going on with me I have never been so sick in my life. Two days after I was on the meds I started with a fever and feeling like death. The next day I vomited so I stopped the meds. I started doing better each day I was off and then bam…..ladies you know what can happen when on high doses of antibiotics…..So probiotics, juices, essential oils, and hot showers.

This was not how I planned to spend my 2 weeks off. However, I am very thankful that this happened now then even two weeks ago because it would have messed up my ST. For the past 3 days I have been getting my house cleaned, organized, and trying to put pictures up. It’s sad that we’ve been in the house over a year and I don’t have pictures up! I have made it my mission to get pictures up, curtains, rugs, and make my home feel homey! The hubby and I purchased a few rugs so it isn’t so cold on feet and paws. I need to see how I can incorporate some healing color in the house!

I am also planning on going to this place that has infrared saunas that I can do some sessions and get my body detoxing. I figured I would take January to get my body cleansed and study for my state test. Juices, smoothies, healthy meals, walking in nature, sitting in the sun, drinking waters and teas, and meditation.

My girls are out of state visiting their dad’s side of the family. I am so happy my youngest daughter is finally talking to her dad again. When she got to her dad’s she started texting me about her anxiety. She doesn’t have any medication and I forgot to give her the essential oils I have blended for her. Her sleep patterns have been really off and I figured it was because she was thinking about her little vacation. I’m happy her sister is with her but she too lately has been in a depression. The oldest has always dealt with depression but she won’t go to therapy. It is so hard to have children that deal with mental illness! When things have been crazy at the house with work and school I had to rely on my husband and son for help. The girls could have helped but instead they stayed in their bedrooms. It’s one thing to deal with depression but it’s another thing to have a shitty attitude that you don’t want to help your own mother when she needs it! Especially being  a grown adult living at home for free and being supported. The oldest just started the vet tech program. She graduated from the assistant program and was off for 6 weeks. She hasn’t worked since August and throws a fit if she is asked to help clean the kitchen.

Has anyone watched the documentary 32Pills? OMG that was such a touching movie! It hit home in so many ways. When the therapist told Hope that a person with borderline never feels fulfilled and that they spend a lifetime trying to get fulfilled that broke my heart because I now this is true for my youngest daughter. The therapist also mentioned medication alone doesn’t help bpd, going to therapy is important. I am hoping YD (youngest daughter) will keep her appointment for this new therapist. She can get better but she has to go in order for that to happen.

Merry Christmas and I hope you are blessed today!!

 

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Glad to see 2016 go

Is it just me or are others glad to see 2016 go? It was a hard year for celebrities especially in the music industry. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate everything good that has happened this year. My #2 daughter is doing good. Not going to therapy but still doing much better than last year, we bought a house, and my oldest daughter is living in the same state. I am closer than ever to having my degree, I only have three classes yet. Let me tell you I am SO ready to be finished. I met some awesome teachers that allowed me to observe in their classrooms and they both would love for me to student teach in their room. Not sure if I mentioned that my boss had to close down the preschool because of her daughter going through major mental illness. She wanted me to buy it but I didn’t feel I could put anymore on my plate. I worked at a different preschool but it was a daycare also and it is a totally different ballgame. For some reason I never fully felt at home there and then certain issues started to creep up. I made the decision to look elsewhere and immediately found new employment. This boss is really nice but recently bought the preschool and has no prior knowledge of early childhood (slaps my forehead). There have been times she asks me why I do certain things and I tell her because it is state requirements.

My cat Monster scared me so badly the other day I thought I was going to go into a panic attack. Monster is 17 years old and has hyperthyroid. I have noticed my love bug has become a crazy cat when he is around food. I was cutting up beef stew meat the other day and he kept jumping on the counter trying to get a piece. Uh no! Cats don’t need to be on my counter with food around ewww! He finally left me alone and I walked away from the counter for a minute to go by the table. I remembered I had the meat up there and didn’t trust Monster so I quickly looked and he was on the floor but it looked like he was swallowing something. I scolded him (he ran into my bedroom) and told my husband I think he had a piece of meat and is having a hard time swallowing it, so he went into our bedroom to check on Monster. My husband yells for me to come in their quick so I do. When I get into the bedroom I see my husband on the floor by Monster who is laying on his side, tongue hanging out, frothing, and gasping. I didn’t realize I pretty much through my husband out of the way and started massaging Monster’s chest and belly. I yelled for someone to call a vet and another person to google how to do the heimlich maneuver on a cat. Then I screamed for someone to get off their ass we have 5 damn cell phones in the house. Monster’s legs started stiffening up and I brought his face up and gently blew into his nose. I noticed the meat was out of his throat so I picked him up and brought him to my chest like when you are burping a baby. I  gave him another gentle blow in his nose and he started breathing and acting like Monster. I don’t know if he passed out or what but I was balling like a baby, telling him he is not leaving me like this, he better start breathing now! Our vet is like 45 minutes away and told us to go the ER animal hospital and I was like no way too far. She mentioned another place closer to our house and at this time we hung up the phone, put Monster in his carrier, and started driving. The lady answers and we explain the situation and she tells us to please hold. She comes back on and says that they have already seen three emergencies and aren’t seeing anymore. WHAT?!?!? Are you freaking kidding me? She started babbling about something else but I just hung up on her I was livid and I had to hang up before I freaked the hell out on her. My hubby googled other vets closer and we called one. They had us come in immediately. Monster was taken back to a room so they could examine him right away. They took our information and then put us in a room. The doctor came in and said everything looks great, his lungs sound clear, his vitals are on point. He warned us the next 48-72 hours are critical because if Monster developed a cough it could be asphyxia pneumonia.  We talked about Monster’s thyroid issues and him not tolerating his medicine so we are trying out a herbal extract for cats who are hyperthyroid. The dr asked me to let him know how Monster does on it because he would be interested in helping others that don’t do well on the regular medication.

I was so relieved and exhausted at the same time. That was the worst feeling I have ever felt in a very long time. The thought of losing my baby to him choking was beyond what my heart could take. My adrenals kicked in and dumped all kinds of cortisol in my system. I didn’t not sleep well that night, so I made sure to take a supplement called Adrenal Success. I also have been eating too much sugar and need to get back on the very limited sugar bandwagon. I notice I feel icky when I have sugar and then my muscles and joints are achy so why bother doing that to myself.

On a happier note, my son turned 17 today. How did that happen? I blinked and he grew up. My mom had to go back to Illinois Christmas day so she could visit my uncle. He was told a week ago he has stage four lung and bone cancer, he only has 2-6 months to live. I guess the number 7 rib is gone…eaten up by cancer. This is totally heartbreaking! I remember when  I was a little girl I was scared of his mustache and he thought it was hilarious. He is the nicest man who would give you the shirt off his back, oh let’s not forget his humor…..have mercy I have laughed many times. I was FaceTiming my mom this morning and she was saying how my uncle’s ex-wife was at the gathering yesterday. Mom said she caught the ex looking at my uncle so lovingly and it was sweet and broke her heart. I asked why? Mom said she’s known she since was 8 years old those two were meant to be but something got in the way. OMG talk about tugging at the heartstrings!! Ma, you’re killing me over here.

See why I want a new year and for it to be better? I know its life and we have to do the best we can. There is so much to look forward to in 2017 I hope I can make it a great one!

I better get off of here so I can let the cramps in my hands go away and get the burnt ends out of the smoker. Have a great night friends and be blessed!

 

 

 

 

Moving sucks

So my mom and I both bought houses. We don’t close on our house for two more weeks, so that means we have to move twice in 2 weeks 😒. I am so excited to be in my own home again. I have been in a small room for a little over a year. It isn’t exactly easy to be a preschool teacher, go to school, and sleep all in the same room. I remember hearing teachers say how they need a lot of storage for their supplies; I totally get it now!! I really do need a room with a ton of shelves. 

Our new home has a lot of storage space and I can’t wait to get all my belongings back with me. Most of it had been in storage. As much as moving sucks I am looking forward to getting my life back on track and organized. 

M (#2 daughter that suffers from depression & BPD) has been doing really well. It seems te medication combination she is on is working. Now all she needs to do is get her ass in therapy!!! She seems to avoid that very important step. She wants to get off her medication but I don’t feel it is a good idea until she gets some therapy. She made a comment about wanting a friend to come live with her…..at my house. I told her no one is coming to my house and living with me and my family that I don’t know. Heck she doesn’t really know this person either. She just doesn’t get it and that is part of why therapy is so important; her perception of things is….well… Messed up! 

Ok I have to get back to laundry and cleaning. Ta ta for now! 

Chaotic girl over here

Can I just say that life has been chaotic to say the least? The family and I packed up and drove 1900 miles to much better weather the middle of July. My daughter, the cats, and I drove in my car. The cats did very well thank goodness!!! We bought a cage that had mesh around it and it was large enough to have both cats and a small litter box (food too). Driving through Iowa was really pretty, Kansas was too until we got more south then it was like fooooooooorever till we got out of there. Pretty much it was like that until we got to Albuquerque, then nature’s beauty started to show. I absolutely love Payson, AZ area I have decided I want a vacation home there. I even drove through the mountain and it was breathtaking. I did hold my breath many times but I just went as slow as I needed to so I could feel safe. My car did a good job doing all that driving through such hot weather too. She might be 15 years old but she is dependable and I love her!! I put in a job application the afternoon before we were leaving and that Monday as I was driving through AZ mountains I received a phone call. I wasn’t able to call until the next day so I had an interview. Within 10 days of moving 1900 miles I had a job!!! I had to put together my classroom and curriculum in two weeks and let’s not forget I am still in school through this whole time. I asked my advisor if I could please wait two week before beginning my next class. Thank goodness I was able to so I could concentrate on my classroom.

We are on fall break right now and I am enjoying every minute of it! It has been great being able to hang out with my old friends again. When I get back to work I will be doing a new “study” with the children. We use Creative Curriculum and the study we are doing is music. I am gathering a bunch of books on music, instruments, pictures of instruments, and youtube videos that can help me show them different types of music around the world. I am so excited about this study.

I am in the process of getting my friends and some family members together to make Blessing Bags for the homeless. I don’t know if I should keep it between us or ask if anyone else wants to donate to our cause and open up a gofundme account? What do you think? Have any of you ever fed the homeless on your own? I just feel like there is so much negativity going on in the media and around the world I have to do more than wish it was different or pray about it. I have to do something!! I have Bob Marley’s Redemption Song and One Love playing over and over in my head. I am so disappointed with the way the politicians are behaving and what they aren’t doing. Banning, offense, hate, intolerance, judgement, greed. it is all too much. I need to saturate myself with positive words, songs, stories, events, and thoughts! I need to help and give back.

I haven’t even been able to read any good romance books lately, I know it’s sad isn’t it? I need to take some time to clear my head with other books besides academic ones!! However, I have been on Organic Olivia’s blog and read some rather interesting information on health issues. I believe my gall bladder is acting up and I am trying so hard to NOT need it removed. I’m not sure it is working but I have to try. I heard cardamom is good for gall bladder aliments so off to Sprouts I will go tonight.

Speaking of health I need to get something to eat. Ta ta for now my friends 🙂

New Year

I think I might be having a midlife crisis or a big pity party! The last two years I have been focusing on school and my immediate family, yet I am feeling lost. I don’t want the second part of my life existing, I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to look back on my years and see what things I accomplished and did, not what I didn’t do. I am not as close with my sisters as I used to be, which for my second oldest sister is understandable. I’m bored bored bored!!!! I have two more years in school and I really wanted to be able to double up on my classes and cut it in half. If my hubby gets a higher position in work I wouldn’t have to work and I could concentrate on school and not worry about work. Ugh I sound like a freakin loser!! I look in the mirror and don’t know if I recognize who is looking back at me. Not acceptable! I need a makeover serious life makeover! Then of course my stomach has been giving me problems the past two months. It would be nice not to feel overly bloated, crampy, or getting sick.

I need more balance in my life so I’m not bored or feeling lost. I need to find an exercise buddy and friends that are in my state. My best friends live in other states and it’s not like I can call them up for a coffee date. Although my oldest sister and I are planning on going wine tasting very soon! Please tell me I’m not the only one that feels this way?

As much as I have loved this relaxing 2 weeks I am looking forward to getting back to my preschool kids! I miss them!!! That also means school will be back in session ahhhhhh. I don’t know what I am complaining about because I only have one more week in class and then I will start a new class. I have to call my academic adviser because I switched majors and the next three classes I’m enrolled in aren’t in the new majors classes.

My son wants to get his drivers permit and I have I am not sure I want him to get it yet. I know I won’t allow him to get his license until he is 18 or unless he shows great responsibility. Over protective, yup!! That’s my baby, heck my youngest girl just started driving so give a mom a chance to get used to that :).

I promise I will get my tush out of this funk. I do not like feeling this way and I do not have time for it lol. I need to look at the good and blessings in my life so I can move on and change what needs to be. I hope everyone had a great New Years Day. What are some things you want to change?

Ta ta my loves!