Love

I was listening to the Black Eyed Peas redone Where is the Love. There is a part in there that DJ Khaled says Love is the Key, Love is the Answer, Love is the Solution, Love is Powerful. Yes it is!! How do we get more of it, show more of it, give more of it? It starts with each of us. I was shown a video about Quincy Blakely and I was shocked, outraged, and angry that this man has been treated in such a manner. It is easy to say he should have just listened to the police officer but watching that video I was confused as to what the right thing to do was because that officer was out of line and wrong. We need changes in the world!! Why is this man still in jail? There is no way he should be, it seems to me they are punishing him for not listening to the officer. The verdict about Philando Castile shocked me but his mom was given money. I guess that is suppose to make it ok but the officer walks free? It is situations like this that make me wonder how can we infuse more love into the world? How can we get to a better place? Look at all the terrorist attacks, how do we overcome that? I hate war, yet don’t we have to protect our own country or is this what we have been taught to think?

We need more love in our schools, in our barns, in our homes. Animals need to be treated better also. I am a huge fan of the Gentle Barn, they have rescue barns in California, Tennessee, and Missouri. They have been a big reason why I have decided to not eat meat or use dairy. When you really see how these animals are treated how can we not care? How can this be ok?

More prayer, more positive energy, more action, more visualizing is a few ways to start.

I was talking with my assistant today about our classroom. We have 4-5 years olds and it is easy to have expectations that are too high. At that age they still need to be taught what their emotions are and how to handle them. Our conversation was really good and positive. We both agreed we want to set the tone in the classroom to be calm and encouraging. I had one little boy today that was mad he didn’t get his way so he through a fit. I asked him if throwing a fit is going to make it better? He said no. I asked him to please take a few deep breaths and calm down so we could talk. He immediately took some breaths and I asked him what was wrong that he through a fit. He was mad a friend took his spot in line. He found some garbage on the floor and wanted to throw it away. I told him that was very kind of him to make sure our classroom was clean. I turned to the friend and explained to her why he left the line and would she please let him have his place in line again? She said yes. I turned to the little boy and told him when he went back to the line that is what he needed to say to his friend. I explained that when he threw the fit his friend didn’t know what he was saying or why, that is why it is important to be calm. If I would have just told him to stop throwing a fit and get to the back of the line I would have missed a great opportunity to teach him how to handle his frustration and how to problem solve the situation. I always tell my class they can come to myself or the other teacher for help. I swear to you, how we react and how we talk it all contributes to how our classroom is going to respond. My assistant and I want to infuse even more love in our room.

I was told by a parent today that she and her husband have separated. I immediately know what to do. I have been through this with my biological parents as well as many classroom children. I told mom I would make sure her daughter got extra hugs and love. I am told by at least 8 children everyday multiple times a day “I love you Ms. D”. I always tell them I love them too. When my assistant first started in my classroom she was so happy to see how the children were and I quickly responded with love. She said I have my rules and am quick to correct the not so good behavior but it is with love always. So we continue to teach and guide so that way these children can become adults with love, problem solving skills, good vocabulary, and how to work as a team.

When I think of my class I have hope for the future.

Lets’ be better friends, let’s put more love in the world!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Chris Cornell

Ever since I first heard about the death of Chris Cornell my emotions have been all over the place. Some may say I have been triggered because of my daughter’s suicide attempts. There are a few different reason flying around the media as to why Chris committed suicide. I have heard it was because of a medication he took too much of and that he was just depressed. Chris is the only one that can answer that question and it is heartbreaking to me that his wife and children are left with a huge hole in their hearts and in their lives. Back in January a friend’s son who was only 16 years old committed suicide; his mom and little brother found him, they had to be the ones to cut him down. My emotions and my heart cannot even begin to process the pain that my friend felt that day and continues to feel everyday. I was very good friends with her father, he passed away a year ago in Feb. I can only hope my friend has his grandson there with him. How many times have we heard of young children dying from suicide because of bullying? How do we stop this? How do we help someone so deep in depression know they are loved, wanted, and matter? I have talked to my daughter and she told me she gets so tired of fighting with herself. She is tired of feeling like a failure in life, she knows she is loved yet she feels like she is swimming in the pit of never-ending darkness. I have read and heard from others that suicide is to end the pain, end the constant internal fight.

I sit there and listen. Wow how powerful is that! Then I hear people say that someone who commits suicide is a selfish coward. I’m not quiet about that at all! EXCUSE ME?!?!?! Someone who is trying to end their pain is not looking for attention. Are there attention seekers out there? Yes, however, many people are far from seeking attention!! Mental illness is no joke! It can be so exhausting, heartbreaking, and cruel. I get so irritated at my daughter for not doing everything she can do try to get better but I have to be patient and not push her. It is easy for me to say, go to therapy, take your pills, exercise, get out in the sun etc etc. But when she already fights with herself I don’t want to be a nag. So what do I do? I get my Young Living and DoTerra oils and I rub her down, I diffuse them in the air, I turn on my hymalayan salt lamp, I make smoothies, juices, and other healthy meals,  give her supplements, play relaxing and uplifting music. Does it work? I think it helps a bit but no matter what I have to try. I pray over my children, I pray over my home, I burn frankincense and myrrh, rosemary, and sage (only the frankincense and myrrh together). I read books that will help me understand my daughter and how to deal with her. I can’t go to therapy just yet, not until our insurance kicks in. I am not too proud to say I need help to learn how to deal with my feelings, and so I don’t feel like I am walking on egg shells around my daughter.

When I am finished with school in a few months I want to look into how I can help suicidal people. I want our mental healthcare to get better and do better so I need to find out how I can advocate for this to happen.

I suffer from different health issues and I get tired of the way I feel and all the things I have to do to keep myself living. If this is even part of what someone who suffers from suicidal tendencies feels like my heart is with them!

I have to go listen to some uplifting music my heart is so heavy right now. If you are reading this. I wish you nothing but peace, love, and wellness! Be Blessed my friends

Today’s ramble

I’m sitting here watching 2016 Essence Black Women in Hollywood Awards. Tracee Ellis Ross just won an award. She talked about watching a documentary on Nina Simone, Traccee wondered why she had not known about Nina sooner, why had she not learned about her beauty years ago and she thank Essence for continuing to show them and the world their texture, beauty, and waking everyone up. All I could think of is why are there so many award shows that divide us? Honestly there are so many wonderful people from different cultures and races that have made the world a better place because of inventing something, helping people, teaching, etc. Why can’t we just have award shows that unite us? Just at that moment I started thinking this my phone chimed.

My sister sent me a video on my Facebook about a mother telling her daughter to make sure she doesn’t forget her sisters, they’ll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children, you are still going to need sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then, do things with them. Remember that “sisters” mean ALL the women; your girlfriends, your daughters, and all you other women relatives. You’ll need other women, women always do. A picture appeared of all these different women that was connected to the daughter. These different women were different from different ethnic backgrounds and races. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, sisters are the mainstays in her life. Time passes, life happens, distance separates, children grow up, jobs come and go, hearts break, careers end, parents die, love waxes and wanes, colleagues forget favors, BUT…….sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girlfriend is never farther away than needing can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley’s rim cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley’s end. Sometimes they will even break the rules and walk beside you or come in and carry you out. Girlfriends, daughters, sisters, sisters in laws, granddaughters, daughter in laws, mothers, grandmothers, aunties, cousins, nieces all bless our lives. Every day we need each other still.

YES, exactly sisters we need each other! We are connected and need each other. We need to come together as humans and lift each other up. All these things in the world that try to divide us needs to stop, we need to love more, understand more, listen more, be more compassionate, give more, and be in harmony more.

In all honesty it’s not just sisters we need, we need our brothers too (can’t leave them out). 🙂

As the elections are coming, the candidates are flinging some major negativity out there. I honestly don’t know if I like anyone. For so many years we have politicians that want more government and the PEOPLE suffer. Why was it so much easier economic wise in the 50s? Why can’t we go back to that? Why does America look so messy? Division, blame, greed, lies……This is not what WE THE PEOPLE are about. How can these politicians have doctorates or whatever degrees in government, economics, etc and yet we are a mess? Democrats and Republicans are from the same bird and need to do something to come together to make us better again. Maybe they should watch that video and stop their toddler tantrums and being greedy! I’m actually supposed to be writing a paper but I can’t get the flow to go. So when I was watching the awards it made my thoughts take off so I’m here rambling. I better end this for now. I feel my headache coming back. Be blessed 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

Can I vent a little?

I was with my daughter at one of her appointments and she was asked if she knows who she is. I kept quiet and looked at my baby and she was blank. I wanted to know why the Dr. asked the question. Some people at 19 years old don’t know who they are and add in someone who has borderline personality disorder she REALLY doesn’t know who she is. I was a bit miffed because I felt that question made my daughter feel even worse about herself. The Dr. did tell her that there is hope, that there is so much for her to stay alive for, and that she was in good hands. Ok, all is forgiven I am no longer miffed.

I am frustrated because the process to getting my daughter on a treatment plan has been slow. I understand she is not the only person in the state that needs help, I know they are doing the best they can. I am frustrated and overwhelmed at home with BPD and depression. I hear Sam Cooke’s song A Change Is Gonna Come over and over in my head and I have to believe it to be true. I do a lot of listening to my daughter…..that’s if she talks. I ask her how can I help her. Is that a dumb question? She doesn’t even know how to help herself. She stays up all night and sleeps until I get home from work in the early afternoon. I try to make her juices that will help her body, does she drink them? Nooooo, why drink something that can help detox, heal, and nourish her body? I ask her to go for walks with me….no, I ask her to come to work with me…no, I ask I ask I ask and am told no. There are times I ask a question and I get my head bit off. Oh she is so lucky I don’t paddle her behind (kidding).

So then I got to thinking about the Dr’s question, life is about learning who we are all the time, that never changes. Who I am and was has changed quite a bit over the past 40 years. I would like to think that I have gotten better with age and experience. I love how sometimes we have questions about why certain situations happened to us and when we finally figure out why we have a much better understanding. That is why I trust God to help me through these times and I wait to figure out these answers. So far I have been fortunate to find life’s answers to my questions. This part of my life I am struggling quite a bit.

I feel like I have to be strong for my family and there are moments I’m tired. I feel like I need a vacation to Sedona!! I burned sage and prayed in my daughter’s room yesterday. Funny thing, like a half hour later, she cleaned it really well :).

On a positive note, I found out I got a $.50 raise!! My boss told me how much she appreciates everything I do. I love her! She is going through something very similar with her daughter and sister. We try to help each other deal with the mental illness of our loved ones and do our best. It is nice to have someone who understands me.

Thank you for listening (reading) my vent. I feel better already!! Be Blessed

Until Next Time

Chaotic girl over here

Can I just say that life has been chaotic to say the least? The family and I packed up and drove 1900 miles to much better weather the middle of July. My daughter, the cats, and I drove in my car. The cats did very well thank goodness!!! We bought a cage that had mesh around it and it was large enough to have both cats and a small litter box (food too). Driving through Iowa was really pretty, Kansas was too until we got more south then it was like fooooooooorever till we got out of there. Pretty much it was like that until we got to Albuquerque, then nature’s beauty started to show. I absolutely love Payson, AZ area I have decided I want a vacation home there. I even drove through the mountain and it was breathtaking. I did hold my breath many times but I just went as slow as I needed to so I could feel safe. My car did a good job doing all that driving through such hot weather too. She might be 15 years old but she is dependable and I love her!! I put in a job application the afternoon before we were leaving and that Monday as I was driving through AZ mountains I received a phone call. I wasn’t able to call until the next day so I had an interview. Within 10 days of moving 1900 miles I had a job!!! I had to put together my classroom and curriculum in two weeks and let’s not forget I am still in school through this whole time. I asked my advisor if I could please wait two week before beginning my next class. Thank goodness I was able to so I could concentrate on my classroom.

We are on fall break right now and I am enjoying every minute of it! It has been great being able to hang out with my old friends again. When I get back to work I will be doing a new “study” with the children. We use Creative Curriculum and the study we are doing is music. I am gathering a bunch of books on music, instruments, pictures of instruments, and youtube videos that can help me show them different types of music around the world. I am so excited about this study.

I am in the process of getting my friends and some family members together to make Blessing Bags for the homeless. I don’t know if I should keep it between us or ask if anyone else wants to donate to our cause and open up a gofundme account? What do you think? Have any of you ever fed the homeless on your own? I just feel like there is so much negativity going on in the media and around the world I have to do more than wish it was different or pray about it. I have to do something!! I have Bob Marley’s Redemption Song and One Love playing over and over in my head. I am so disappointed with the way the politicians are behaving and what they aren’t doing. Banning, offense, hate, intolerance, judgement, greed. it is all too much. I need to saturate myself with positive words, songs, stories, events, and thoughts! I need to help and give back.

I haven’t even been able to read any good romance books lately, I know it’s sad isn’t it? I need to take some time to clear my head with other books besides academic ones!! However, I have been on Organic Olivia’s blog and read some rather interesting information on health issues. I believe my gall bladder is acting up and I am trying so hard to NOT need it removed. I’m not sure it is working but I have to try. I heard cardamom is good for gall bladder aliments so off to Sprouts I will go tonight.

Speaking of health I need to get something to eat. Ta ta for now my friends 🙂

My Friday Thoughts….

During a conversation with my youngest daughter, we got on the subject about her school years. She shared with me some of the mean comments people made about her or to her. I remember my oldest sharing the same problem. When I look back on my elementary years I was a quiet, shy person (yes shocking I know!) and also had a few people try picking on me. What makes someone say and or do hurt things to another human being? I shared my experiences about what I went through even when they were in school. I again told them how one day I realized these people did not know me; they did not know my likes, dislikes, my personality, nothing. Why was I allowing someone who doesn’t know me or mean anything to me hurt me? I made the decision to not listen to them and keep my attention on friends who did know me. It was weird but those other mean people stopped their crap. I will admit there was a few people that tried to bully me and that did not get them far at all. They found out very fast I was not going to put up with that at all. They changed their tune fast and somehow we ended up friends. Iyanla Vanzant had a show on colorism and how dark women felt, now she is doing one about light girls. Whether you are black, brown, or white we all have some type of insecurity and don’t feel good enough. Harsh judgements hurt us all no matter our color, gender, or ethnicity. I was jammin out to Queen last night and one of their songs, One Vision made me realize that those types of songs need to be played again and often. Music has a way of inspiring me, hopefully it can inspire others and we can have more love in the world.

I’m in a new class and it is establish history of Early Childhood Education. It talks about how children were viewed and treated as far back as Aristotle and Plato. I read that Aristotle advocated for abortion as preferable to the practice of infanticide. If I look at the reading I have done over many of my classes I could feel that men are monsters but that would not be fair because not all men are arrogant, mean, and think they are above everyone else. Women, children, slaves, and even animals have been mistreated since the beginning of time. We have changed in many ways but we still have far to go. The unfortunate thing is judging another person is always going to happen but if more people can learn to love it will be a start of having more peace and harmony in this world.

I hope when I have more students in my care I am able to lift every one of them up and make them realize they are special and worthy of good. I hope I can make a difference in their lives so as they grow they too will make a positive difference in others.

I understand more and more why in the Bible it says to be slow to anger, slow to speak, and quick to listen. LOVE we need to learn what it is, how it work, and apply it to everything. Louise Hay has taught me so much about the importance of our thoughts and changing them into positive ones and to put love into everything. Could you imagine if we all started doing this what a better world we would live in?

My day needs to start so I have to end the thoughts running around in my head for now :). Have a wonderful day my friends!

PS Dinner is going to be Cincinnati chili spaghetti, I have had a craving for it since I watched Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives

Thoughts running through my head

I recently had someone call me a racist because I did not agree with the looting in Ferguson. I laugh because it is easy to sit behind a computer screen and call names just because our opinions differ. I don’t see skin color; I see humanity. I look at the behavior and character of any person. I have been blessed by people’s kind words or stories whether they were Black, White, Asian, or Indian.  I have heard my Black English teacher tell stories of how it America was when he was younger. My heart broke for him, I could not wrap my mind around how another person can treat another person so badly. I am trying to do the best with my life. I am not a perfect person but one thing I can say is I AM NOT a racist. I pray each and everyday giving thanks for being alive another day. I thank God that I can see, hear, touch, and speak. I might not like the way my body looks right now but I give thanks for it; each organ, cell, and hormone. I pray for love and peace to dwell in each and every person in the world. There is power in prayer and I believe the more we pray for love and peace for ALL we can make changes. I don’t want to concentrate on negative things. The only good thing about something negative is to learn not to do it. I’m not going to debate history but I will learn from it and how to be better. Not one of us is without fault, I am no better than anyone else. Each and every one of us matters and makes a difference. We just need to choose are we going to make a positive difference or a negative difference. Will those choices honor who I am or hurt my character? To me looting private businesses that help the community is not a good thing. In the long run it hurts everyone. On to a different subject

My oldest daughter is learning some tough life lessons. Her and her boyfriend broke up and it kinda went ugly. I know my daughter and will not sit here and put her ex down. I know she had a hand in the demise of their relationship. However, when he was being very wrong I told her to stop all communication don’t engage with that mess. Her ex is a young man who doesn’t have his life in order and trying to figure out who he is, my daughter is doing the same. So I tell her to let it go for now, maybe once they both have their lives in a better place they can try again or maybe there is someone better for her out there. When my daughter was in a fit of rage because she didn’t realize love could hurt so much, she wanted revenge. I let her vent, rant, and rave and when she was finished I told her it’s time to work on herself. Let go of the anger and hurt, instead learn from it. She just text me saying she realized what I told her was true and she had some apologizing to do. She allowed a friend’s words influence her in a negative way and because of that she was verbally attacking her ex. She didn’t care if her ex’s actions were wrong, she wanted to own her mistakes and apologize. YES!!! She realized she needed to let love take over and guide her words and actions. I love when the way I raised her starts to shine through.

On a totally different note: I have been getting back to my roots; Italian food!

I watch Extra Virgin on the cooking channel and see how Gabriele has such passion with the food he makes for his family and friends. We all know that food is life so it is important to find life and passion in the food we make. I also just watched the movie The Hundred Foot Journey, it made me remember to be mindful of the gifts of food and spices we have available to us. So as I made the menu for the week I wanted it to be something that was filled with healthy foods filled with flavor and love. My son is in Foods and Nutrition class so I have him helping me and it is such a special time to be able to teach him about food, how to prepare it, and why we need to bless it. Now I can see why food has been a way to bring people together.

I think I have rambled enough. I wish you nothing but peace and love. Have a blessed day!!