I am alive after all!

So my last post I said that I had three classes left, I think I was off I had four. Whatever the case only one left then I will start student teaching!!! I am so proud of myself, not being conceited or anything like that. I have busted my butt for four in a half years and had to pass up many family gatherings, outings, picnics, etc because I had homework to do. I in the last stretch and I am ready to be done so I can start a new path. I have two more advisors added to my list let’s see I have my academic counselor, teacher specialist, student teacher advisor, and I don’t remember what the other person’s role is.

My #2 daughter took herself off her medication. I am not happy about it at all. I understand her reasonings but what happens if she regresses? She hasn’t gone to therapy to learn the coping skills she needs. She has been visiting a friend of hers back in Wisconsin and will be back home Friday. I cannot wait to see her beautiful face! The other day I was really upset about something and I called her up to chat. Once we hung up I felt so much better, she has a way of making you laugh and forgetting stress. I text her thanking her for the conversation and many laughs.

I had to get a new computer a month ago my desktop was failing fast. I have a TON of school/teaching resources on it and I didn’t want it to completely die before I could transfer the files over to the new one.

I am trying to still get my house together. The boxes are all gone but it needs paint and decorating done. I have two different types of flooring on the first floor and it drives me crazy. It doesn’t match and it isn’t done correctly. I have plants on my patio that make it so pretty. When I first brought the jasmine home it was so fragrant but since I repotted it, it isn’t fragrant any longer. Hopefully it will start smelling pretty again. I also have some lavender, a cherry tomato plant, red and yellow bell pepper plants. I am so excited to see little cherry tomatoes starting to sprout up. The bell peppers have flowers all over 🙂

Eating home grown food tastes wonderful!!! I would love to grow a bunch of Roma tomatoes so I can make my own marinara sauce. Everything is a work in progress and one day my home will be where I want it.

The weather is getting hot so I have to go shopping for summer clothes tomorrow or I will be dying of the heat!! I am already starting to get nice coloring on my upper body, now my lower body is pitifully white. I have to change that I can’t walk around looking goofy lol.

Looks like it is time for me to get back to homework. Be back soon. Hope whoever is reading this is blessed and well!

ta ta for now friends

 

I need a vacation

I should be writing my paper but I am not motivated. I love love love learning what will make me a better teacher and person. I love to learn however, I need a break. I do what I need to do but guess what folks I am human and need a break! I don’t want to hear suck it up! why? Because I am fully aware that if I want a degree I have to EARN it and earning it means hard work and sacrifice. Remember I said I am human? I get unmotivated and need to revisit what my goals are and I have to get motivated again. OK that rant is done

When we moved last year I left behind my twins that were in my preschool. They would have been going to kindergarten anyway in two months so our days were numbered but I have to say I missed them so much. I have kept in touch with their mom, see pictures on Facebook, and talk on the phone sometimes. Their mom needed a mini vacation and brought the twins out here!! I was able to spend 4 glorious days with them. My heart was overfilled with joy. They were equally happy to spend time with me. They were always hugging me or following me to where I would go. I am so proud of how well they are doing in school. LOVE IT!!!

My daughter is finally going to be starting DBT. I need to do more research on it. I asked her therapist what I can do to support my daughter, what to do what not to do, etc and was told going online has a lot of information. I knew that but having specific websites would be good. I think I need to get into therapy myself so I can get out my hopes and fears about my daughter. I also need to know how to deal with her it’s not like I woke up one day and know how to handle BPD. The new medicine she has been on is making a difference thank God! She is coming out of her room more and I see more of her sassy attitude coming out. A month ago I noticed what I thought was a scratch on her arm but it turned out to be her cutting. I couldn’t say anything I could only cry. Luckily we were in her psychologist’s office and she saw it too. J was able to ask my daughter what happened that she cut, what was she feeling, and other questions. It is evident that my daughter really does have bad coping skills and also have no clue who she is. One positive thing I have learned is my schooling will help me through this. I need to go back to my past psychology classes and find my books especially with Skinner’s theory (I believe that’s the one).  Once I find a therapist for me I can talk to them about what I have learned and how to apply it to my daughter properly.

There needs to be some major changes in my and my husband’s lives in the next few months. Hopefully he will get this promotion that will give him better benefits and pay. He took a huge leap of faith with this job and I hope that faith pays off for him. We need to have our own home so our family can get back to normal. I am grateful for where we live but living with others is not easy, especially when there are double standards. The question is do we rent or try to buy? If we wait until I am out of school and working at a teaching job we could qualify for certain programs to help us with buying a house. I will make more  money and we would be able to get a better house than what we can afford now. I seem to be typing out my answer lol. As much as we want to buy a house now I know it is better to wait. So now that search will be on for a home we can afford to rent. Believe it or not apartments are crazy expensive to rent around here especially three bedroom ones.

I think I have figured out why I am struggling with motivation lately and I don’t think it is just with school. Not having our own home, dealing with my daughter’s BPD, helping my son with understanding his sister and helping him not shut down emotionally, my health, etc. Maybe I need a vacation! Take a minute to breathe, press the reset button, and recharge so I can deal with all of this stuff. See, journaling or blogging does help!

I just need to find a physical trainer that has knowledge about someone who has hypothyroid/adrenal issues and understands I cannot workout for 2 hours a day and over doing it.

Time for me to get this paper done so ta ta for now.

 

 

New Year

I think I might be having a midlife crisis or a big pity party! The last two years I have been focusing on school and my immediate family, yet I am feeling lost. I don’t want the second part of my life existing, I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to look back on my years and see what things I accomplished and did, not what I didn’t do. I am not as close with my sisters as I used to be, which for my second oldest sister is understandable. I’m bored bored bored!!!! I have two more years in school and I really wanted to be able to double up on my classes and cut it in half. If my hubby gets a higher position in work I wouldn’t have to work and I could concentrate on school and not worry about work. Ugh I sound like a freakin loser!! I look in the mirror and don’t know if I recognize who is looking back at me. Not acceptable! I need a makeover serious life makeover! Then of course my stomach has been giving me problems the past two months. It would be nice not to feel overly bloated, crampy, or getting sick.

I need more balance in my life so I’m not bored or feeling lost. I need to find an exercise buddy and friends that are in my state. My best friends live in other states and it’s not like I can call them up for a coffee date. Although my oldest sister and I are planning on going wine tasting very soon! Please tell me I’m not the only one that feels this way?

As much as I have loved this relaxing 2 weeks I am looking forward to getting back to my preschool kids! I miss them!!! That also means school will be back in session ahhhhhh. I don’t know what I am complaining about because I only have one more week in class and then I will start a new class. I have to call my academic adviser because I switched majors and the next three classes I’m enrolled in aren’t in the new majors classes.

My son wants to get his drivers permit and I have I am not sure I want him to get it yet. I know I won’t allow him to get his license until he is 18 or unless he shows great responsibility. Over protective, yup!! That’s my baby, heck my youngest girl just started driving so give a mom a chance to get used to that :).

I promise I will get my tush out of this funk. I do not like feeling this way and I do not have time for it lol. I need to look at the good and blessings in my life so I can move on and change what needs to be. I hope everyone had a great New Years Day. What are some things you want to change?

Ta ta my loves!