Be Nice

As a teacher I always teach my class about being nice, respectful, and be understanding. Of course there is way more that I teach in the character department but the simple ones I mentioned really need to be applied to social media. A friend of mine said she needs a break from social media. I get it, it can be brutal out there! Many people need a time out!! We need to focus on what can we do to make our world a better place. That can come in the form of respecting someone’s opinion especially if it differs from your own. I get now why the Bible says be slow to anger, we need to listen to people and see where they are coming from. Does anyone seriously think that if they shove their opinions down someone’s throat in a mean way that it will get that other person to open their minds or consider their view? So just be nice!



Good Morning :)

I have finally applied for my diploma (who would have thought after graduating I would have to apply and pay $150) and I am registered to take the professional knowledge state test Feb 10. Pray for me, send positive vibes, whatever you do I need all the positivity I can get! I have the study guide and they recommend studying two hours a day. That is totally do able. I love teaching I really do but I can’t help that I have other thoughts swarming my head. What thoughts you ask? Thoughts of giving young children holistic teaching and learning so they have a solid foundation when they enter kindergarten. I have been in the preschool environment for 14 years so maybe it is habit? But I have always wanted to have a house with a decent amount of land so I can have an addition on my house or a preschool, a garden, small farm, and a wonderful place for the children to play. I am very eclectic in my teaching philosophies. I love the different theories because they can work together and provide the best environment for a child to learn and grow. I have always loved Howard Gardner and Abraham Maslow’s theories. I think our education system needs to take a step back and see what we have done to the classrooms and see where we can change it for the better.

The things learned in preschool/prek will help a child when they are in elementary school. For example, if a teacher has a sorting activity it helps the child learn how to classify objects. That is something that is needed as they are in school. I hear a lot of teacher say how the fine motor skills in their students are very poor. In preschool the children should be doing many activities that strengthen the fine motor skills. The reason I want a preschool addition on my house is because it creates a homey feel, the land is important for the children to learn, explore, and discover. They need to be out in nature! If there are animals around they can learn so much (they would not be allowed by them without supervision). Think of all the great things they would learn by planting food and flower gardens! Then to take the food and make yummy food with it or make beautiful flowers arrangements in the school.

This is my struggle. I am not financially ready to take on such endeavors but I’ve had that dream in my head and heart for a long time.

I joined Forks Over Knives meal planner and I am so happy I did because it really helps me. I made a menu for the whole month for myself and the rest of the family. I found a recipe on quinoa enchilada casserole OMG ya’ll it was so good!! I over course add to it because I just like to put more flavor in my food but it made a lot of food for me. I had it for lunch the next day and I still have plenty. I am hoping my family will come on board with this healthy lifestyle.

Merry Christmas

I am officially finished with school!!! I am done with classes, student teaching, and all that fun stuff, I have graduated. I am so proud of myself. Five years ago I decided to go to school and get my degree. It was a goal that challenged me and stretched me to my capacity at times but I did it!!! When I was doing my student teaching I struggled a bit with matching the standards and learning goal. I see all these cute writing activities on Pinterest but I had to really think about what is the learning goal and does it match the standards. My mentor teacher and field supervisor wanted me to do more lesson planning so I could get the practice in. There was one lesson that I was struggling with the anticipatory set. Have you ever been so tired and stressed that something so simple escapes your mind? That was me. I had asked my mentor teacher for some help and instead of being supportive and helpful like she said she would be, she tells me I will have to struggle through it. I laughed and told her I was so tired and stressed it was taking me longer to “get it”. She said we all get stressed and I cut her off. I am 46 years old with 3 children, 2 marriages under my belt (the second much better but still), sicknesses, mental illness, suicide attempts, etc I have struggled through plenty!!! What I do need is that mentor that is supportive and gives tips on what worked for her when she was struggling. She then asked me what would I do if she wasn’t there? I told her honestly I would ask my other teacher friend. I learn better by talking things out, shown and told examples, and seeing it done.

That was disappointing. I understand this was her first time mentoring a student teacher and I asked her would she say such a thing to a student if they weren’t understanding something? If she does then that is terrible because that is not how it should be done!

We did get through it and it was awesome that we both learned new things from each other. I have been in preschool for 14 years so I did bring some good ideas to the classroom. Just because someone has been teaching for a long time doesn’t mean something can’t inspire you to try new things. When my mentor and I talked about the class and how we could help certain students it was so much fun because we love the kids. The principal wants my resume so I have to get that updated.

A few days before I was done with student teaching my stomach was cramping, bloating, and just feeling awful. Each day everything got worse. On my last day of ST (student teaching) I went to the urgent care. They noticed I had sugar in my urine and then tested my blood sugars 196….holy shit! So they send me to the ER because I need imaging done. I get to the ER and they take blood, do a CT scan on me. I have diverticulitis and my sugars went up to 208. WHAAAAAT? I hadn’t eaten since 12:15 and it was 6:00. They put me on cipro and flagyl. What is going on with me I have never been so sick in my life. Two days after I was on the meds I started with a fever and feeling like death. The next day I vomited so I stopped the meds. I started doing better each day I was off and then bam…..ladies you know what can happen when on high doses of antibiotics…..So probiotics, juices, essential oils, and hot showers.

This was not how I planned to spend my 2 weeks off. However, I am very thankful that this happened now then even two weeks ago because it would have messed up my ST. For the past 3 days I have been getting my house cleaned, organized, and trying to put pictures up. It’s sad that we’ve been in the house over a year and I don’t have pictures up! I have made it my mission to get pictures up, curtains, rugs, and make my home feel homey! The hubby and I purchased a few rugs so it isn’t so cold on feet and paws. I need to see how I can incorporate some healing color in the house!

I am also planning on going to this place that has infrared saunas that I can do some sessions and get my body detoxing. I figured I would take January to get my body cleansed and study for my state test. Juices, smoothies, healthy meals, walking in nature, sitting in the sun, drinking waters and teas, and meditation.

My girls are out of state visiting their dad’s side of the family. I am so happy my youngest daughter is finally talking to her dad again. When she got to her dad’s she started texting me about her anxiety. She doesn’t have any medication and I forgot to give her the essential oils I have blended for her. Her sleep patterns have been really off and I figured it was because she was thinking about her little vacation. I’m happy her sister is with her but she too lately has been in a depression. The oldest has always dealt with depression but she won’t go to therapy. It is so hard to have children that deal with mental illness! When things have been crazy at the house with work and school I had to rely on my husband and son for help. The girls could have helped but instead they stayed in their bedrooms. It’s one thing to deal with depression but it’s another thing to have a shitty attitude that you don’t want to help your own mother when she needs it! Especially being  a grown adult living at home for free and being supported. The oldest just started the vet tech program. She graduated from the assistant program and was off for 6 weeks. She hasn’t worked since August and throws a fit if she is asked to help clean the kitchen.

Has anyone watched the documentary 32Pills? OMG that was such a touching movie! It hit home in so many ways. When the therapist told Hope that a person with borderline never feels fulfilled and that they spend a lifetime trying to get fulfilled that broke my heart because I now this is true for my youngest daughter. The therapist also mentioned medication alone doesn’t help bpd, going to therapy is important. I am hoping YD (youngest daughter) will keep her appointment for this new therapist. She can get better but she has to go in order for that to happen.

Merry Christmas and I hope you are blessed today!!


Glad to see 2016 go

Is it just me or are others glad to see 2016 go? It was a hard year for celebrities especially in the music industry. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate everything good that has happened this year. My #2 daughter is doing good. Not going to therapy but still doing much better than last year, we bought a house, and my oldest daughter is living in the same state. I am closer than ever to having my degree, I only have three classes yet. Let me tell you I am SO ready to be finished. I met some awesome teachers that allowed me to observe in their classrooms and they both would love for me to student teach in their room. Not sure if I mentioned that my boss had to close down the preschool because of her daughter going through major mental illness. She wanted me to buy it but I didn’t feel I could put anymore on my plate. I worked at a different preschool but it was a daycare also and it is a totally different ballgame. For some reason I never fully felt at home there and then certain issues started to creep up. I made the decision to look elsewhere and immediately found new employment. This boss is really nice but recently bought the preschool and has no prior knowledge of early childhood (slaps my forehead). There have been times she asks me why I do certain things and I tell her because it is state requirements.

My cat Monster scared me so badly the other day I thought I was going to go into a panic attack. Monster is 17 years old and has hyperthyroid. I have noticed my love bug has become a crazy cat when he is around food. I was cutting up beef stew meat the other day and he kept jumping on the counter trying to get a piece. Uh no! Cats don’t need to be on my counter with food around ewww! He finally left me alone and I walked away from the counter for a minute to go by the table. I remembered I had the meat up there and didn’t trust Monster so I quickly looked and he was on the floor but it looked like he was swallowing something. I scolded him (he ran into my bedroom) and told my husband I think he had a piece of meat and is having a hard time swallowing it, so he went into our bedroom to check on Monster. My husband yells for me to come in their quick so I do. When I get into the bedroom I see my husband on the floor by Monster who is laying on his side, tongue hanging out, frothing, and gasping. I didn’t realize I pretty much through my husband out of the way and started massaging Monster’s chest and belly. I yelled for someone to call a vet and another person to google how to do the heimlich maneuver on a cat. Then I screamed for someone to get off their ass we have 5 damn cell phones in the house. Monster’s legs started stiffening up and I brought his face up and gently blew into his nose. I noticed the meat was out of his throat so I picked him up and brought him to my chest like when you are burping a baby. I  gave him another gentle blow in his nose and he started breathing and acting like Monster. I don’t know if he passed out or what but I was balling like a baby, telling him he is not leaving me like this, he better start breathing now! Our vet is like 45 minutes away and told us to go the ER animal hospital and I was like no way too far. She mentioned another place closer to our house and at this time we hung up the phone, put Monster in his carrier, and started driving. The lady answers and we explain the situation and she tells us to please hold. She comes back on and says that they have already seen three emergencies and aren’t seeing anymore. WHAT?!?!? Are you freaking kidding me? She started babbling about something else but I just hung up on her I was livid and I had to hang up before I freaked the hell out on her. My hubby googled other vets closer and we called one. They had us come in immediately. Monster was taken back to a room so they could examine him right away. They took our information and then put us in a room. The doctor came in and said everything looks great, his lungs sound clear, his vitals are on point. He warned us the next 48-72 hours are critical because if Monster developed a cough it could be asphyxia pneumonia.  We talked about Monster’s thyroid issues and him not tolerating his medicine so we are trying out a herbal extract for cats who are hyperthyroid. The dr asked me to let him know how Monster does on it because he would be interested in helping others that don’t do well on the regular medication.

I was so relieved and exhausted at the same time. That was the worst feeling I have ever felt in a very long time. The thought of losing my baby to him choking was beyond what my heart could take. My adrenals kicked in and dumped all kinds of cortisol in my system. I didn’t not sleep well that night, so I made sure to take a supplement called Adrenal Success. I also have been eating too much sugar and need to get back on the very limited sugar bandwagon. I notice I feel icky when I have sugar and then my muscles and joints are achy so why bother doing that to myself.

On a happier note, my son turned 17 today. How did that happen? I blinked and he grew up. My mom had to go back to Illinois Christmas day so she could visit my uncle. He was told a week ago he has stage four lung and bone cancer, he only has 2-6 months to live. I guess the number 7 rib is gone…eaten up by cancer. This is totally heartbreaking! I remember when  I was a little girl I was scared of his mustache and he thought it was hilarious. He is the nicest man who would give you the shirt off his back, oh let’s not forget his humor…..have mercy I have laughed many times. I was FaceTiming my mom this morning and she was saying how my uncle’s ex-wife was at the gathering yesterday. Mom said she caught the ex looking at my uncle so lovingly and it was sweet and broke her heart. I asked why? Mom said she’s known she since was 8 years old those two were meant to be but something got in the way. OMG talk about tugging at the heartstrings!! Ma, you’re killing me over here.

See why I want a new year and for it to be better? I know its life and we have to do the best we can. There is so much to look forward to in 2017 I hope I can make it a great one!

I better get off of here so I can let the cramps in my hands go away and get the burnt ends out of the smoker. Have a great night friends and be blessed!





We can be our own worst critic!

My boss is down closing the preschool in one week. I wanted to buy the preschool so badly but it’s just not the right time. I updated my resume and put it out there for other preschools to see and contact me if they are looking for teachers. I have been getting at least two to three emails a day since. The unfortunate thing is most of them are too far away. I am not going to drive 45 minutes to an hour when I would be paying too much in gas. One preschool that contacted me is like 20 minutes from my house. I went on to the preschool’s website to see what they are about. I loved the fact that all of their teachers have been in education between eight to seventeen years. All of them are former elementary teachers. It was a bit intimidating to me at first because I will be getting my degree in a year. I have five classes left then it is on to student teaching. I was telling my boss about it and she asked me if I was nervous and I was honest and said a little. She told me I’m crazy that I am very good at what I do and just because I have not been in an elementary classroom doesn’t mean much. I giggled because how many times do we do that to ourselves? We start letting fear get a hold of us and then we start looking at negative things. We can be our own worst critic. I told her I know I am very qualified and instead of being intimidated I am turning it around and looking at all that experience these women have can contribute to me learning and growing more! The interview went well and hopefully I will hear back from them. I am not worrying about it because I know there is a teaching position out there for me.

There is one part of my job that pulls at my heartstrings and that is foster children. I have never worked with them before until I came here. One child has literally stolen my heart. She was here for 8 months when she had to go back to her mom. The mom has two other children and there were quite a few people saying it was too soon but the judge ruled and the children all went back. The foster mom was devastated, I was devastated, and the child was devastated. I just had a bad feeling about it. I kept in contact with the foster mom and one day I received a text that the child was back with her. I was happy and sad at the same time. That poor child has to be going through so much right now!!!  When the child came back to school, she was distant and different. She stayed by my side but she was stressed out. It looks like the foster mom is going to adopt the child so I am so happy that she will have stability in her life. I feel really bad for the biological mom because I feel like she needed more time and support so she could be successful. Addiction is an ugly thing.

There was another child in foster care. That situation was whacked as well. My boss received a phone call from the foster mom that the children were back with her again. My heart just aches for these children!! I don’t judge their families because we all have moments we are weak BUT when it comes to the safety and welfare of a child that has to be the most important.

My daughter is doing awesome!! After we came back from Las Vegas she has been different. She is coming out of her room, going places, and feeling good. I swear she is also dealing with PCOS. I see the symptoms she is displaying and unfortunately is in the family. My sister and I have it. So I have to get her to a doctor to get her hormones checked! We have to go to her therapy appointment today so we will see how that goes. She was telling me yesterday she wants to get a job, she doesn’t want to depend on me for money. She really needs to feel like she is doing something with her life and yet there are times she can’t get out of bed. I told her that we can write down her goals and make an action plan. She looked at me confused… to get to the goals….OHHHHHH she says. Yea a little ditzy moment. She is supposed to do DBT but she is refusing because she doesn’t want to do groups at all. I honestly believe it is because some of the people make her uncomfortable and she thinks she is going to be judged. Her perception of things can be way off many times. Maybe she should just do individual until her self-esteem gets better? That will be something to talk to the therapist about.

I have to get to work, so have a great day. Blessings!!





I need a vacation

I should be writing my paper but I am not motivated. I love love love learning what will make me a better teacher and person. I love to learn however, I need a break. I do what I need to do but guess what folks I am human and need a break! I don’t want to hear suck it up! why? Because I am fully aware that if I want a degree I have to EARN it and earning it means hard work and sacrifice. Remember I said I am human? I get unmotivated and need to revisit what my goals are and I have to get motivated again. OK that rant is done

When we moved last year I left behind my twins that were in my preschool. They would have been going to kindergarten anyway in two months so our days were numbered but I have to say I missed them so much. I have kept in touch with their mom, see pictures on Facebook, and talk on the phone sometimes. Their mom needed a mini vacation and brought the twins out here!! I was able to spend 4 glorious days with them. My heart was overfilled with joy. They were equally happy to spend time with me. They were always hugging me or following me to where I would go. I am so proud of how well they are doing in school. LOVE IT!!!

My daughter is finally going to be starting DBT. I need to do more research on it. I asked her therapist what I can do to support my daughter, what to do what not to do, etc and was told going online has a lot of information. I knew that but having specific websites would be good. I think I need to get into therapy myself so I can get out my hopes and fears about my daughter. I also need to know how to deal with her it’s not like I woke up one day and know how to handle BPD. The new medicine she has been on is making a difference thank God! She is coming out of her room more and I see more of her sassy attitude coming out. A month ago I noticed what I thought was a scratch on her arm but it turned out to be her cutting. I couldn’t say anything I could only cry. Luckily we were in her psychologist’s office and she saw it too. J was able to ask my daughter what happened that she cut, what was she feeling, and other questions. It is evident that my daughter really does have bad coping skills and also have no clue who she is. One positive thing I have learned is my schooling will help me through this. I need to go back to my past psychology classes and find my books especially with Skinner’s theory (I believe that’s the one).  Once I find a therapist for me I can talk to them about what I have learned and how to apply it to my daughter properly.

There needs to be some major changes in my and my husband’s lives in the next few months. Hopefully he will get this promotion that will give him better benefits and pay. He took a huge leap of faith with this job and I hope that faith pays off for him. We need to have our own home so our family can get back to normal. I am grateful for where we live but living with others is not easy, especially when there are double standards. The question is do we rent or try to buy? If we wait until I am out of school and working at a teaching job we could qualify for certain programs to help us with buying a house. I will make more  money and we would be able to get a better house than what we can afford now. I seem to be typing out my answer lol. As much as we want to buy a house now I know it is better to wait. So now that search will be on for a home we can afford to rent. Believe it or not apartments are crazy expensive to rent around here especially three bedroom ones.

I think I have figured out why I am struggling with motivation lately and I don’t think it is just with school. Not having our own home, dealing with my daughter’s BPD, helping my son with understanding his sister and helping him not shut down emotionally, my health, etc. Maybe I need a vacation! Take a minute to breathe, press the reset button, and recharge so I can deal with all of this stuff. See, journaling or blogging does help!

I just need to find a physical trainer that has knowledge about someone who has hypothyroid/adrenal issues and understands I cannot workout for 2 hours a day and over doing it.

Time for me to get this paper done so ta ta for now.



Today’s ramble

I’m sitting here watching 2016 Essence Black Women in Hollywood Awards. Tracee Ellis Ross just won an award. She talked about watching a documentary on Nina Simone, Traccee wondered why she had not known about Nina sooner, why had she not learned about her beauty years ago and she thank Essence for continuing to show them and the world their texture, beauty, and waking everyone up. All I could think of is why are there so many award shows that divide us? Honestly there are so many wonderful people from different cultures and races that have made the world a better place because of inventing something, helping people, teaching, etc. Why can’t we just have award shows that unite us? Just at that moment I started thinking this my phone chimed.

My sister sent me a video on my Facebook about a mother telling her daughter to make sure she doesn’t forget her sisters, they’ll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children, you are still going to need sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then, do things with them. Remember that “sisters” mean ALL the women; your girlfriends, your daughters, and all you other women relatives. You’ll need other women, women always do. A picture appeared of all these different women that was connected to the daughter. These different women were different from different ethnic backgrounds and races. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, sisters are the mainstays in her life. Time passes, life happens, distance separates, children grow up, jobs come and go, hearts break, careers end, parents die, love waxes and wanes, colleagues forget favors, BUT…….sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girlfriend is never farther away than needing can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley’s rim cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley’s end. Sometimes they will even break the rules and walk beside you or come in and carry you out. Girlfriends, daughters, sisters, sisters in laws, granddaughters, daughter in laws, mothers, grandmothers, aunties, cousins, nieces all bless our lives. Every day we need each other still.

YES, exactly sisters we need each other! We are connected and need each other. We need to come together as humans and lift each other up. All these things in the world that try to divide us needs to stop, we need to love more, understand more, listen more, be more compassionate, give more, and be in harmony more.

In all honesty it’s not just sisters we need, we need our brothers too (can’t leave them out). 🙂

As the elections are coming, the candidates are flinging some major negativity out there. I honestly don’t know if I like anyone. For so many years we have politicians that want more government and the PEOPLE suffer. Why was it so much easier economic wise in the 50s? Why can’t we go back to that? Why does America look so messy? Division, blame, greed, lies……This is not what WE THE PEOPLE are about. How can these politicians have doctorates or whatever degrees in government, economics, etc and yet we are a mess? Democrats and Republicans are from the same bird and need to do something to come together to make us better again. Maybe they should watch that video and stop their toddler tantrums and being greedy! I’m actually supposed to be writing a paper but I can’t get the flow to go. So when I was watching the awards it made my thoughts take off so I’m here rambling. I better end this for now. I feel my headache coming back. Be blessed 🙂