Glad to see 2016 go

Is it just me or are others glad to see 2016 go? It was a hard year for celebrities especially in the music industry. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate everything good that has happened this year. My #2 daughter is doing good. Not going to therapy but still doing much better than last year, we bought a house, and my oldest daughter is living in the same state. I am closer than ever to having my degree, I only have three classes yet. Let me tell you I am SO ready to be finished. I met some awesome teachers that allowed me to observe in their classrooms and they both would love for me to student teach in their room. Not sure if I mentioned that my boss had to close down the preschool because of her daughter going through major mental illness. She wanted me to buy it but I didn’t feel I could put anymore on my plate. I worked at a different preschool but it was a daycare also and it is a totally different ballgame. For some reason I never fully felt at home there and then certain issues started to creep up. I made the decision to look elsewhere and immediately found new employment. This boss is really nice but recently bought the preschool and has no prior knowledge of early childhood (slaps my forehead). There have been times she asks me why I do certain things and I tell her because it is state requirements.

My cat Monster scared me so badly the other day I thought I was going to go into a panic attack. Monster is 17 years old and has hyperthyroid. I have noticed my love bug has become a crazy cat when he is around food. I was cutting up beef stew meat the other day and he kept jumping on the counter trying to get a piece. Uh no! Cats don’t need to be on my counter with food around ewww! He finally left me alone and I walked away from the counter for a minute to go by the table. I remembered I had the meat up there and didn’t trust Monster so I quickly looked and he was on the floor but it looked like he was swallowing something. I scolded him (he ran into my bedroom) and told my husband I think he had a piece of meat and is having a hard time swallowing it, so he went into our bedroom to check on Monster. My husband yells for me to come in their quick so I do. When I get into the bedroom I see my husband on the floor by Monster who is laying on his side, tongue hanging out, frothing, and gasping. I didn’t realize I pretty much through my husband out of the way and started massaging Monster’s chest and belly. I yelled for someone to call a vet and another person to google how to do the heimlich maneuver on a cat. Then I screamed for someone to get off their ass we have 5 damn cell phones in the house. Monster’s legs started stiffening up and I brought his face up and gently blew into his nose. I noticed the meat was out of his throat so I picked him up and brought him to my chest like when you are burping a baby. I  gave him another gentle blow in his nose and he started breathing and acting like Monster. I don’t know if he passed out or what but I was balling like a baby, telling him he is not leaving me like this, he better start breathing now! Our vet is like 45 minutes away and told us to go the ER animal hospital and I was like no way too far. She mentioned another place closer to our house and at this time we hung up the phone, put Monster in his carrier, and started driving. The lady answers and we explain the situation and she tells us to please hold. She comes back on and says that they have already seen three emergencies and aren’t seeing anymore. WHAT?!?!? Are you freaking kidding me? She started babbling about something else but I just hung up on her I was livid and I had to hang up before I freaked the hell out on her. My hubby googled other vets closer and we called one. They had us come in immediately. Monster was taken back to a room so they could examine him right away. They took our information and then put us in a room. The doctor came in and said everything looks great, his lungs sound clear, his vitals are on point. He warned us the next 48-72 hours are critical because if Monster developed a cough it could be asphyxia pneumonia.  We talked about Monster’s thyroid issues and him not tolerating his medicine so we are trying out a herbal extract for cats who are hyperthyroid. The dr asked me to let him know how Monster does on it because he would be interested in helping others that don’t do well on the regular medication.

I was so relieved and exhausted at the same time. That was the worst feeling I have ever felt in a very long time. The thought of losing my baby to him choking was beyond what my heart could take. My adrenals kicked in and dumped all kinds of cortisol in my system. I didn’t not sleep well that night, so I made sure to take a supplement called Adrenal Success. I also have been eating too much sugar and need to get back on the very limited sugar bandwagon. I notice I feel icky when I have sugar and then my muscles and joints are achy so why bother doing that to myself.

On a happier note, my son turned 17 today. How did that happen? I blinked and he grew up. My mom had to go back to Illinois Christmas day so she could visit my uncle. He was told a week ago he has stage four lung and bone cancer, he only has 2-6 months to live. I guess the number 7 rib is gone…eaten up by cancer. This is totally heartbreaking! I remember when  I was a little girl I was scared of his mustache and he thought it was hilarious. He is the nicest man who would give you the shirt off his back, oh let’s not forget his humor…..have mercy I have laughed many times. I was FaceTiming my mom this morning and she was saying how my uncle’s ex-wife was at the gathering yesterday. Mom said she caught the ex looking at my uncle so lovingly and it was sweet and broke her heart. I asked why? Mom said she’s known she since was 8 years old those two were meant to be but something got in the way. OMG talk about tugging at the heartstrings!! Ma, you’re killing me over here.

See why I want a new year and for it to be better? I know its life and we have to do the best we can. There is so much to look forward to in 2017 I hope I can make it a great one!

I better get off of here so I can let the cramps in my hands go away and get the burnt ends out of the smoker. Have a great night friends and be blessed!

 

 

 

 

We can be our own worst critic!

My boss is down closing the preschool in one week. I wanted to buy the preschool so badly but it’s just not the right time. I updated my resume and put it out there for other preschools to see and contact me if they are looking for teachers. I have been getting at least two to three emails a day since. The unfortunate thing is most of them are too far away. I am not going to drive 45 minutes to an hour when I would be paying too much in gas. One preschool that contacted me is like 20 minutes from my house. I went on to the preschool’s website to see what they are about. I loved the fact that all of their teachers have been in education between eight to seventeen years. All of them are former elementary teachers. It was a bit intimidating to me at first because I will be getting my degree in a year. I have five classes left then it is on to student teaching. I was telling my boss about it and she asked me if I was nervous and I was honest and said a little. She told me I’m crazy that I am very good at what I do and just because I have not been in an elementary classroom doesn’t mean much. I giggled because how many times do we do that to ourselves? We start letting fear get a hold of us and then we start looking at negative things. We can be our own worst critic. I told her I know I am very qualified and instead of being intimidated I am turning it around and looking at all that experience these women have can contribute to me learning and growing more! The interview went well and hopefully I will hear back from them. I am not worrying about it because I know there is a teaching position out there for me.

There is one part of my job that pulls at my heartstrings and that is foster children. I have never worked with them before until I came here. One child has literally stolen my heart. She was here for 8 months when she had to go back to her mom. The mom has two other children and there were quite a few people saying it was too soon but the judge ruled and the children all went back. The foster mom was devastated, I was devastated, and the child was devastated. I just had a bad feeling about it. I kept in contact with the foster mom and one day I received a text that the child was back with her. I was happy and sad at the same time. That poor child has to be going through so much right now!!!  When the child came back to school, she was distant and different. She stayed by my side but she was stressed out. It looks like the foster mom is going to adopt the child so I am so happy that she will have stability in her life. I feel really bad for the biological mom because I feel like she needed more time and support so she could be successful. Addiction is an ugly thing.

There was another child in foster care. That situation was whacked as well. My boss received a phone call from the foster mom that the children were back with her again. My heart just aches for these children!! I don’t judge their families because we all have moments we are weak BUT when it comes to the safety and welfare of a child that has to be the most important.

My daughter is doing awesome!! After we came back from Las Vegas she has been different. She is coming out of her room, going places, and feeling good. I swear she is also dealing with PCOS. I see the symptoms she is displaying and unfortunately is in the family. My sister and I have it. So I have to get her to a doctor to get her hormones checked! We have to go to her therapy appointment today so we will see how that goes. She was telling me yesterday she wants to get a job, she doesn’t want to depend on me for money. She really needs to feel like she is doing something with her life and yet there are times she can’t get out of bed. I told her that we can write down her goals and make an action plan. She looked at me confused…..how to get to the goals….OHHHHHH she says. Yea a little ditzy moment. She is supposed to do DBT but she is refusing because she doesn’t want to do groups at all. I honestly believe it is because some of the people make her uncomfortable and she thinks she is going to be judged. Her perception of things can be way off many times. Maybe she should just do individual until her self-esteem gets better? That will be something to talk to the therapist about.

I have to get to work, so have a great day. Blessings!!

 

 

 

 

I need a vacation

I should be writing my paper but I am not motivated. I love love love learning what will make me a better teacher and person. I love to learn however, I need a break. I do what I need to do but guess what folks I am human and need a break! I don’t want to hear suck it up! why? Because I am fully aware that if I want a degree I have to EARN it and earning it means hard work and sacrifice. Remember I said I am human? I get unmotivated and need to revisit what my goals are and I have to get motivated again. OK that rant is done

When we moved last year I left behind my twins that were in my preschool. They would have been going to kindergarten anyway in two months so our days were numbered but I have to say I missed them so much. I have kept in touch with their mom, see pictures on Facebook, and talk on the phone sometimes. Their mom needed a mini vacation and brought the twins out here!! I was able to spend 4 glorious days with them. My heart was overfilled with joy. They were equally happy to spend time with me. They were always hugging me or following me to where I would go. I am so proud of how well they are doing in school. LOVE IT!!!

My daughter is finally going to be starting DBT. I need to do more research on it. I asked her therapist what I can do to support my daughter, what to do what not to do, etc and was told going online has a lot of information. I knew that but having specific websites would be good. I think I need to get into therapy myself so I can get out my hopes and fears about my daughter. I also need to know how to deal with her it’s not like I woke up one day and know how to handle BPD. The new medicine she has been on is making a difference thank God! She is coming out of her room more and I see more of her sassy attitude coming out. A month ago I noticed what I thought was a scratch on her arm but it turned out to be her cutting. I couldn’t say anything I could only cry. Luckily we were in her psychologist’s office and she saw it too. J was able to ask my daughter what happened that she cut, what was she feeling, and other questions. It is evident that my daughter really does have bad coping skills and also have no clue who she is. One positive thing I have learned is my schooling will help me through this. I need to go back to my past psychology classes and find my books especially with Skinner’s theory (I believe that’s the one).  Once I find a therapist for me I can talk to them about what I have learned and how to apply it to my daughter properly.

There needs to be some major changes in my and my husband’s lives in the next few months. Hopefully he will get this promotion that will give him better benefits and pay. He took a huge leap of faith with this job and I hope that faith pays off for him. We need to have our own home so our family can get back to normal. I am grateful for where we live but living with others is not easy, especially when there are double standards. The question is do we rent or try to buy? If we wait until I am out of school and working at a teaching job we could qualify for certain programs to help us with buying a house. I will make more  money and we would be able to get a better house than what we can afford now. I seem to be typing out my answer lol. As much as we want to buy a house now I know it is better to wait. So now that search will be on for a home we can afford to rent. Believe it or not apartments are crazy expensive to rent around here especially three bedroom ones.

I think I have figured out why I am struggling with motivation lately and I don’t think it is just with school. Not having our own home, dealing with my daughter’s BPD, helping my son with understanding his sister and helping him not shut down emotionally, my health, etc. Maybe I need a vacation! Take a minute to breathe, press the reset button, and recharge so I can deal with all of this stuff. See, journaling or blogging does help!

I just need to find a physical trainer that has knowledge about someone who has hypothyroid/adrenal issues and understands I cannot workout for 2 hours a day and over doing it.

Time for me to get this paper done so ta ta for now.

 

 

Today’s ramble

I’m sitting here watching 2016 Essence Black Women in Hollywood Awards. Tracee Ellis Ross just won an award. She talked about watching a documentary on Nina Simone, Traccee wondered why she had not known about Nina sooner, why had she not learned about her beauty years ago and she thank Essence for continuing to show them and the world their texture, beauty, and waking everyone up. All I could think of is why are there so many award shows that divide us? Honestly there are so many wonderful people from different cultures and races that have made the world a better place because of inventing something, helping people, teaching, etc. Why can’t we just have award shows that unite us? Just at that moment I started thinking this my phone chimed.

My sister sent me a video on my Facebook about a mother telling her daughter to make sure she doesn’t forget her sisters, they’ll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children, you are still going to need sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then, do things with them. Remember that “sisters” mean ALL the women; your girlfriends, your daughters, and all you other women relatives. You’ll need other women, women always do. A picture appeared of all these different women that was connected to the daughter. These different women were different from different ethnic backgrounds and races. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, sisters are the mainstays in her life. Time passes, life happens, distance separates, children grow up, jobs come and go, hearts break, careers end, parents die, love waxes and wanes, colleagues forget favors, BUT…….sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girlfriend is never farther away than needing can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley’s rim cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley’s end. Sometimes they will even break the rules and walk beside you or come in and carry you out. Girlfriends, daughters, sisters, sisters in laws, granddaughters, daughter in laws, mothers, grandmothers, aunties, cousins, nieces all bless our lives. Every day we need each other still.

YES, exactly sisters we need each other! We are connected and need each other. We need to come together as humans and lift each other up. All these things in the world that try to divide us needs to stop, we need to love more, understand more, listen more, be more compassionate, give more, and be in harmony more.

In all honesty it’s not just sisters we need, we need our brothers too (can’t leave them out). 🙂

As the elections are coming, the candidates are flinging some major negativity out there. I honestly don’t know if I like anyone. For so many years we have politicians that want more government and the PEOPLE suffer. Why was it so much easier economic wise in the 50s? Why can’t we go back to that? Why does America look so messy? Division, blame, greed, lies……This is not what WE THE PEOPLE are about. How can these politicians have doctorates or whatever degrees in government, economics, etc and yet we are a mess? Democrats and Republicans are from the same bird and need to do something to come together to make us better again. Maybe they should watch that video and stop their toddler tantrums and being greedy! I’m actually supposed to be writing a paper but I can’t get the flow to go. So when I was watching the awards it made my thoughts take off so I’m here rambling. I better end this for now. I feel my headache coming back. Be blessed 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

Documentaries

I have been watching quite a few documentaries lately. Today I watched Prison Kids: A Crime Against America’s Children.

They looked at children getting arrested in Ohio, Louisiana, and Florida. Children are getting arrested for things like skipping school, breaking curfew, and cussing in the school parking lot. My heart broke for these children and teens; especially the ones that were found to have some type of mental illness.  One thing is evident and our system needs to be reformed.  Some children in juvenile detention centers were given medications that were too high and one has to wonder what is the consequences of that?  As a punishment they are put into solitary confinement for like 23 hours a day. There has been a three decade study on solitary confinement making the person’s behavior worse. None of this is working!

When looking at the cost of arresting, court time, and jail time wouldn’t that money be better served in a more positive treatment plan instead? What about teaching these children how to get out of trouble and supporting them? Honestly I don’t know how to implement something like this but these children are our future.

One thing that seems to happen often is when a minority child gets into trouble they are labeled as bad and criminalized. It may take years before the bad behavior is actually found out to be some type of mental illness. How sad is that? How many years does a person have to go through being labeled wrong? White people aren’t the only ones to have mental illness or different types of disabilities. However, I have seen white children even being wrongly labeled and pushed aside.

There was a teacher that thought a student in my class should be kicked out of the school because of her bad behavior. The little girl’s brother was in the school the previous year and the boy has some form of autism. The mother is overwhelmed and has no clue how to handle both children and has created bad behaviors in her children. My boss called an agency that sends a worker to observe my classroom and the child (with parent’s consent) and help with ways to support the child and give mom the resources needed. My middle child taught me how to think outside the box when it came to parenting and dealing with children. My boss, the case worker, and I met bi-weekly to discuss the little girl’s progress and what things we could try in the classroom. We were not going to give up on this girl without doing everything we could first. I’m happy to say that there has been some very good improvements. If we had the same attitude as the now ex teacher that mother would have felt terrible having her daughter kicked out of preschool and who knows what would happen to the girl.

Just like a woman said in the documentary, help needs to happen as young as possible. Florida has a program called Promise that judge Elijah Williams helped create. He saw day in and day out children coming into his courtroom that needed help and resources to turn their lives around. There is a gentleman in New Orleans that helped make reforms in the juvenile detention centers.

I have to wonder about when a child or teen gets out of treatment center or detention center what support does he or she have? They are going back to the same neighborhood, family, and situation. There has to be something that can help support them when they get out and stay in a positive mindset to stay on a good path.

What also broke my heart is how many children and teens go to the detention centers with PTSD because of the violent homes and neighborhoods they live in. I know first hand how that much stress on a child changes them and causes mental issues. How do we make changes that show hope and a better path?

Just because someone doesn’t live in the bad part of town doesn’t mean it won’t affect everyone. It does, what happens to one person has a domino affect. In America we have some pretty big problems; gangs, drugs, human trafficking, child abuse, sexual abuse….the list goes on and on. We have to address them and do our best to help in some type of way. I have three children of my own and have raised them to be good people. I have nieces and nephews that I have also been there to help love, guide, and teach. My children’s friends have adopted me because I respected and loved them. I remember telling one girl (who was having a sexual relationship with someone who was pretty much using her) how beautiful she is and deserved to be treated better by that boy and from herself. I explained how ugly low self esteem is but she didn’t have to stay that way. We had quite a few discussions about her character, dreams, goals in life, and ways she could better herself. It took her a few years but she finally got into counseling and is on a positive path.

I can only hope I am able to continue helping other people. Maybe when my life calms down a bit I can volunteer with the big brothers/big sister program. If we want our world to be better, we have to do something about it.

 

 

 

 

 

Chaotic girl over here

Can I just say that life has been chaotic to say the least? The family and I packed up and drove 1900 miles to much better weather the middle of July. My daughter, the cats, and I drove in my car. The cats did very well thank goodness!!! We bought a cage that had mesh around it and it was large enough to have both cats and a small litter box (food too). Driving through Iowa was really pretty, Kansas was too until we got more south then it was like fooooooooorever till we got out of there. Pretty much it was like that until we got to Albuquerque, then nature’s beauty started to show. I absolutely love Payson, AZ area I have decided I want a vacation home there. I even drove through the mountain and it was breathtaking. I did hold my breath many times but I just went as slow as I needed to so I could feel safe. My car did a good job doing all that driving through such hot weather too. She might be 15 years old but she is dependable and I love her!! I put in a job application the afternoon before we were leaving and that Monday as I was driving through AZ mountains I received a phone call. I wasn’t able to call until the next day so I had an interview. Within 10 days of moving 1900 miles I had a job!!! I had to put together my classroom and curriculum in two weeks and let’s not forget I am still in school through this whole time. I asked my advisor if I could please wait two week before beginning my next class. Thank goodness I was able to so I could concentrate on my classroom.

We are on fall break right now and I am enjoying every minute of it! It has been great being able to hang out with my old friends again. When I get back to work I will be doing a new “study” with the children. We use Creative Curriculum and the study we are doing is music. I am gathering a bunch of books on music, instruments, pictures of instruments, and youtube videos that can help me show them different types of music around the world. I am so excited about this study.

I am in the process of getting my friends and some family members together to make Blessing Bags for the homeless. I don’t know if I should keep it between us or ask if anyone else wants to donate to our cause and open up a gofundme account? What do you think? Have any of you ever fed the homeless on your own? I just feel like there is so much negativity going on in the media and around the world I have to do more than wish it was different or pray about it. I have to do something!! I have Bob Marley’s Redemption Song and One Love playing over and over in my head. I am so disappointed with the way the politicians are behaving and what they aren’t doing. Banning, offense, hate, intolerance, judgement, greed. it is all too much. I need to saturate myself with positive words, songs, stories, events, and thoughts! I need to help and give back.

I haven’t even been able to read any good romance books lately, I know it’s sad isn’t it? I need to take some time to clear my head with other books besides academic ones!! However, I have been on Organic Olivia’s blog and read some rather interesting information on health issues. I believe my gall bladder is acting up and I am trying so hard to NOT need it removed. I’m not sure it is working but I have to try. I heard cardamom is good for gall bladder aliments so off to Sprouts I will go tonight.

Speaking of health I need to get something to eat. Ta ta for now my friends 🙂

I have to say I love, love, love my new class. It is on the foundation of early childhood education. I took four psychology classes and it is awesome to see the people like Skinner, Piaget, Manslow, etc in my new class. I am able to connect their theories to making education better. At the same time taking these classes makes me wish I did more for my children when they were younger. I knew play was important for children but I know why and how great it is for their development. Maybe if more parents knew just how a child’s environment shapes them, they would make sure things were better?

OMG! I am trying to type this and I have a very stubborn cat who wants on my lap. I wish I could take a picture and show you this crazy cat. He is laying on my arms so typing is a bit challenging. Move him you say….I have three times! He thinks he owns me and will continue to come back… Next he’ll try to lay on the laptop. Gotta love him

Ok back to my excitement. I am also learning that having a student driven classroom is very beneficial. Honestly in a preschool setting of course that is a better option because the child that is playing is developing more than we realize. However, they are finding student driven classrooms are better in elementary, jr high, and high school.

I was thinking back to when I was in elementary and yes I can remember! Kindergarten was way different than it is now. Are we trying to have our children read, write, and doing math before they are developmentally ready? I feel like when I was in elementary we had a stronger foundation in reading, writing, and math before moving on. Have the teachers changed? Are they not as knowledgeable? Are the kids brattier? I do not think it is any one issue but a variety of them. Our school systems spend more money but it doesn’t mean better education. Although with technology money is needed.

Being in college has helped me be a better person, teacher, and parent. Maybe it’s better I say I have become a higher quality person lol :). When a child is in my class/care I want the parent to know they are left in good hands because I care about every aspect of that child. I teach and guide but I also give hugs and wipe tears.

I have found from my three children that connecting with the teacher is very important. Take for instance my son. He has connected very well with four of his teachers. If the class isn’t understanding a lesson the teacher will try different techniques, they tell stories about their experiences and ask students about theirs, they work as a team, and the teachers respect the students. I could see exactly what my son was saying when I went to the parent teacher conferences back in November. The other two teachers he barely connects with. They just talk, it’s boring, and if most of the class isn’t understanding the lesson they don’t seem to care to find other ways of teaching. The other four teachers were very observant of my son’s strengths, what needed improvement, but most of all they got him. That was not the case with the other two, it was like they didn’t have any passion for teaching. My son’s grades reflect this. Is he not trying? Is he not engaged? Last year when he took algebra he was getting Bs now he’s failing, he keeps telling me she confused him more than anything and when he tries to tell her that she doesn’t do anything any different. Teaching styles clashing? Could be, but isn’t it the teachers job to find a way to help him get it?

All that to say I want to be the good teacher, the one that connects with the students, and one that makes a difference.

My youngest daughter started college this week. Talk about proud mama!!! I can tell she is nervous. She mentioned she isn’t good with words like some of the other students. I sat her down yesterday and told her she did not have a positive learning experience with much of her school life but it will be different this time. Being I am in the same school I know the class she is taking so we went through how to manage her time, what the instructor is looking for, and that she’s not alone in this at all. I explained to her how each class is going to teach her things and she will become a better person for it. There will be many “aha” moments and those are so fun. This time around school will be so much better for her.

I had to joke with my mom and tell her how she should not hate playdough but rather love it. She has never liked it because of the mess. I told her the benefits out weigh the mess so get over it and allow the children she watches to play with it. I had the children painting on the windows and had to make sure they understood when they are home they are not allowed to do this unless mom or dad are there and say they can do it. I come up with some great activities but always make sure to add in they have to ask their parent’s permission at home. When I let the parents know what we did for the day (even though it’s on the calendar) on more than one occasion they have told me my creativity has helped them have fun at home. Awwww that is always the best. Even better is when I am told my sassiness has rubbed off on the kids lol.

On a different note. I am done with January’s gray days!!! We have a few sunny days or sunny hours but not enough. It is really effecting my thyroid and draining me. Doesn’t mother nature know I don’t have time for this, I am a busy woman and need my energy lol. We are singing Mr. Sun quite a bit this month!!

Duty is calling me. tata for now. Be blessed!!