Cousin Dave

I could hear the phone ringing and my caller ID said who it was….Shane!?!?!? I answer the phone and he asks me how’s it going, I immediately know something is wrong. Shane and I are cousins but have been like sister and brother since we were born. He tells me he’s at the hospital with Dave and it’s not looking good. He explains that Dave has coded twice and resuscitated but was down for 20 minutes one of the times. It’s not looking good. Dave is stubborn and that should be in all caps!! He has had health issues for many years, didn’t take care of himself, or listen to the Dr.. There was a time three in a half years ago he was knocking on death’s door, no one thought he would make it. Dave once again showed us how stubborn he was. So I was wondering if maybe he would do it again? I asked Shane to keep me posted until I could get there. Right before I left I text him and asked how things are going and he said Dave just went into cardiac arrest again. UGH I have a 45 minute drive and it’s 6:00pm traffic.

As I got off the elevator the first thing I see is Shane sitting on the couch in the ICU waiting area. He’s just shaking his head saying; he’s not going to pull through this time. On my way to the hospital Dave went into cardiac arrest again, this time they did not resuscitate him. Dave also had really bad pneumonia and other things wrong. So I head into the room and Dave’s sister Cheri is there crying. Now my poor cousin Cheri just lost her youngest daughter March 6, 2014 and now she’s losing her baby brother. I’m worried about her I hear it in her cries. absolute heartbreaking!!! Damn I didn’t wear my waterproof mascara today…that’s ok the tissue will keep me from looking like a racoon. The room was filled with my family.

Shane has two children with my best friend and the boys live up here with Shane while my bff is in Florida. Seeing the boys makes me miss and want my bff!! I make my way over to Shane and hug him. He too has had now another big loss in less than a year. I cannot imagine losing a sister and now an uncle (Shane is Cheri’s son, him and I are first cousins once removed). I hold Dave’s hand and stroke his arm but he’s gone already. Superman decided to not be stubborn this time :(. Is this real? Did Aunt Stella (his mom) come help him on his journey? Was he greeted by other family members? Questions and memories swarm my head. My heart hurts. I tell myself we all have a time to go but would his have been longer if he wasn’t so stubborn? Then I see Dave’s son omg pain in my heart…I hurt for them, they just lost their dad. Lil Davey especially he was good to his dad and loved him so much.

I stayed awhile longer for my family to hug them and tell stories about Dave. Then with my hubby and son we make our way home. I’m numb, I’m sad. I think about all these family members on my dad’s side that have passed so young. It all boils down to not taking care of themselves.

I went to bed last night but kept waking up and wondering if this was all real, then my heart hurting let me know it was. I was to mourn his loss but celebrate him and his life. There are a lot of memories and stories to keep celebrating him. Will Cheri ever feel this way or will she just feel loss and heartache?

And here is Monster cat being adamant about wanting to lay on my lap while I try to type this out…..another stubborn one.

I am once again reminded of the importance of family. I couldn’t imagine my life without mine. As big as it is I love each and everyone of them. I am also reminded to take as best of care of my body as possible.

Words have left my brain, I feel numb. I’m sad

If you’re reading this, I wish you a blessed day!

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I have to say I love, love, love my new class. It is on the foundation of early childhood education. I took four psychology classes and it is awesome to see the people like Skinner, Piaget, Manslow, etc in my new class. I am able to connect their theories to making education better. At the same time taking these classes makes me wish I did more for my children when they were younger. I knew play was important for children but I know why and how great it is for their development. Maybe if more parents knew just how a child’s environment shapes them, they would make sure things were better?

OMG! I am trying to type this and I have a very stubborn cat who wants on my lap. I wish I could take a picture and show you this crazy cat. He is laying on my arms so typing is a bit challenging. Move him you say….I have three times! He thinks he owns me and will continue to come back… Next he’ll try to lay on the laptop. Gotta love him

Ok back to my excitement. I am also learning that having a student driven classroom is very beneficial. Honestly in a preschool setting of course that is a better option because the child that is playing is developing more than we realize. However, they are finding student driven classrooms are better in elementary, jr high, and high school.

I was thinking back to when I was in elementary and yes I can remember! Kindergarten was way different than it is now. Are we trying to have our children read, write, and doing math before they are developmentally ready? I feel like when I was in elementary we had a stronger foundation in reading, writing, and math before moving on. Have the teachers changed? Are they not as knowledgeable? Are the kids brattier? I do not think it is any one issue but a variety of them. Our school systems spend more money but it doesn’t mean better education. Although with technology money is needed.

Being in college has helped me be a better person, teacher, and parent. Maybe it’s better I say I have become a higher quality person lol :). When a child is in my class/care I want the parent to know they are left in good hands because I care about every aspect of that child. I teach and guide but I also give hugs and wipe tears.

I have found from my three children that connecting with the teacher is very important. Take for instance my son. He has connected very well with four of his teachers. If the class isn’t understanding a lesson the teacher will try different techniques, they tell stories about their experiences and ask students about theirs, they work as a team, and the teachers respect the students. I could see exactly what my son was saying when I went to the parent teacher conferences back in November. The other two teachers he barely connects with. They just talk, it’s boring, and if most of the class isn’t understanding the lesson they don’t seem to care to find other ways of teaching. The other four teachers were very observant of my son’s strengths, what needed improvement, but most of all they got him. That was not the case with the other two, it was like they didn’t have any passion for teaching. My son’s grades reflect this. Is he not trying? Is he not engaged? Last year when he took algebra he was getting Bs now he’s failing, he keeps telling me she confused him more than anything and when he tries to tell her that she doesn’t do anything any different. Teaching styles clashing? Could be, but isn’t it the teachers job to find a way to help him get it?

All that to say I want to be the good teacher, the one that connects with the students, and one that makes a difference.

My youngest daughter started college this week. Talk about proud mama!!! I can tell she is nervous. She mentioned she isn’t good with words like some of the other students. I sat her down yesterday and told her she did not have a positive learning experience with much of her school life but it will be different this time. Being I am in the same school I know the class she is taking so we went through how to manage her time, what the instructor is looking for, and that she’s not alone in this at all. I explained to her how each class is going to teach her things and she will become a better person for it. There will be many “aha” moments and those are so fun. This time around school will be so much better for her.

I had to joke with my mom and tell her how she should not hate playdough but rather love it. She has never liked it because of the mess. I told her the benefits out weigh the mess so get over it and allow the children she watches to play with it. I had the children painting on the windows and had to make sure they understood when they are home they are not allowed to do this unless mom or dad are there and say they can do it. I come up with some great activities but always make sure to add in they have to ask their parent’s permission at home. When I let the parents know what we did for the day (even though it’s on the calendar) on more than one occasion they have told me my creativity has helped them have fun at home. Awwww that is always the best. Even better is when I am told my sassiness has rubbed off on the kids lol.

On a different note. I am done with January’s gray days!!! We have a few sunny days or sunny hours but not enough. It is really effecting my thyroid and draining me. Doesn’t mother nature know I don’t have time for this, I am a busy woman and need my energy lol. We are singing Mr. Sun quite a bit this month!!

Duty is calling me. tata for now. Be blessed!!

My Friday Thoughts….

During a conversation with my youngest daughter, we got on the subject about her school years. She shared with me some of the mean comments people made about her or to her. I remember my oldest sharing the same problem. When I look back on my elementary years I was a quiet, shy person (yes shocking I know!) and also had a few people try picking on me. What makes someone say and or do hurt things to another human being? I shared my experiences about what I went through even when they were in school. I again told them how one day I realized these people did not know me; they did not know my likes, dislikes, my personality, nothing. Why was I allowing someone who doesn’t know me or mean anything to me hurt me? I made the decision to not listen to them and keep my attention on friends who did know me. It was weird but those other mean people stopped their crap. I will admit there was a few people that tried to bully me and that did not get them far at all. They found out very fast I was not going to put up with that at all. They changed their tune fast and somehow we ended up friends. Iyanla Vanzant had a show on colorism and how dark women felt, now she is doing one about light girls. Whether you are black, brown, or white we all have some type of insecurity and don’t feel good enough. Harsh judgements hurt us all no matter our color, gender, or ethnicity. I was jammin out to Queen last night and one of their songs, One Vision made me realize that those types of songs need to be played again and often. Music has a way of inspiring me, hopefully it can inspire others and we can have more love in the world.

I’m in a new class and it is establish history of Early Childhood Education. It talks about how children were viewed and treated as far back as Aristotle and Plato. I read that Aristotle advocated for abortion as preferable to the practice of infanticide. If I look at the reading I have done over many of my classes I could feel that men are monsters but that would not be fair because not all men are arrogant, mean, and think they are above everyone else. Women, children, slaves, and even animals have been mistreated since the beginning of time. We have changed in many ways but we still have far to go. The unfortunate thing is judging another person is always going to happen but if more people can learn to love it will be a start of having more peace and harmony in this world.

I hope when I have more students in my care I am able to lift every one of them up and make them realize they are special and worthy of good. I hope I can make a difference in their lives so as they grow they too will make a positive difference in others.

I understand more and more why in the Bible it says to be slow to anger, slow to speak, and quick to listen. LOVE we need to learn what it is, how it work, and apply it to everything. Louise Hay has taught me so much about the importance of our thoughts and changing them into positive ones and to put love into everything. Could you imagine if we all started doing this what a better world we would live in?

My day needs to start so I have to end the thoughts running around in my head for now :). Have a wonderful day my friends!

PS Dinner is going to be Cincinnati chili spaghetti, I have had a craving for it since I watched Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives

New Year

I think I might be having a midlife crisis or a big pity party! The last two years I have been focusing on school and my immediate family, yet I am feeling lost. I don’t want the second part of my life existing, I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to look back on my years and see what things I accomplished and did, not what I didn’t do. I am not as close with my sisters as I used to be, which for my second oldest sister is understandable. I’m bored bored bored!!!! I have two more years in school and I really wanted to be able to double up on my classes and cut it in half. If my hubby gets a higher position in work I wouldn’t have to work and I could concentrate on school and not worry about work. Ugh I sound like a freakin loser!! I look in the mirror and don’t know if I recognize who is looking back at me. Not acceptable! I need a makeover serious life makeover! Then of course my stomach has been giving me problems the past two months. It would be nice not to feel overly bloated, crampy, or getting sick.

I need more balance in my life so I’m not bored or feeling lost. I need to find an exercise buddy and friends that are in my state. My best friends live in other states and it’s not like I can call them up for a coffee date. Although my oldest sister and I are planning on going wine tasting very soon! Please tell me I’m not the only one that feels this way?

As much as I have loved this relaxing 2 weeks I am looking forward to getting back to my preschool kids! I miss them!!! That also means school will be back in session ahhhhhh. I don’t know what I am complaining about because I only have one more week in class and then I will start a new class. I have to call my academic adviser because I switched majors and the next three classes I’m enrolled in aren’t in the new majors classes.

My son wants to get his drivers permit and I have I am not sure I want him to get it yet. I know I won’t allow him to get his license until he is 18 or unless he shows great responsibility. Over protective, yup!! That’s my baby, heck my youngest girl just started driving so give a mom a chance to get used to that :).

I promise I will get my tush out of this funk. I do not like feeling this way and I do not have time for it lol. I need to look at the good and blessings in my life so I can move on and change what needs to be. I hope everyone had a great New Years Day. What are some things you want to change?

Ta ta my loves!