Peace, Love, and Misuderstanding

I should be cleaning, shopping, making a menu, or even planning lessons for the next three weeks, but I’m not. I woke up to a very gray sky and not feeling too well. So I put in the movie Peace, Love, and Misunderstanding. I love that movie! My mom hates that Jane Fonda is in it because of what she did to the POWs many years ago. I totally get it but I still love the movie, including Jane’s character (the mom Grace). I have this book (the 52 Lists Project) that asks to list characters in movies, books, plays, etc and to find a common personality trait between the favorite characters. The home that the mom lives on is on beautiful land that has a large pond and a lot of wild animals as well as her chickens. I love her spirit and how she tries to be fun, compassionate, artistic, spiritual, and loving.  There is a part where it is a full moon and a bunch of ladies get together at Grace’s house. They have a large bon fire going, they are dancing, playing instruments, and even howling at the moon. The freedom and the connection I admire greatly. Someday I want to turn my backyard into a beautiful garden oasis. I would love to have a medicine wheel included along with lush gardens of food. Being around nature has alway recharged me and this would be a bonus to have in my backyard!

Is it bad that I don’t want to stay in this home for too much longer? We haven’t even lived here a year. I love my home and I am thankful for it but I just know there is something else out there for us. I’ve had visions of a land where I can have my home, animals, and a preschool. Now I have to do the work to make those come true. I’ve got the education down, just need the house with land so I can create the rest. I’m sure that will entail me working for a few years at a school. I am totally open for wherever I need to do to get on that path.

I feel a headache coming on so I need to take a nap. Ta ta for now….be blessed my friends!

 

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Giving Up Meat

I have always known that we are what we eat. I know many years ago when Native Americans killed their animals for food it was said that they thanked the animal for giving their life for food. Different religions require an animal to be treated and slaughtered a certain way; in Judaism it’s Kosher and in Muslim it’s Halal. How can an animal that has not been treated and fed properly provide proper nourishment to our bodies? All that negativity and stress is in the meat. When I eat meat from a store that has a factory farm of animals I am contributing to that mistreatment. I have organizations on my Facebook like The Gentle Barn and The Farm Sanctuary that rescue animals. The Gentle Barn since I have been following them have opened rescues in Tennessee and now in Missouri. Did you hear about the six cows that escaped from the slaughter house back in April or May from St. Louis Missouri? The Gentle Barn rescued them and have purchased land to start a Gentle Barn Missouri. One of the cows had to be put down because of injuries they feel might have already been there at the time they escaped, they named him Spirit.

I have been dealing with different health issues and feel part of my healing will come from cleansing my body. In order to cleanse my body I am going to fill it with fresh foods. I will continue to listen to my body and make sure I am giving it what it needs. I have been using organic household and beauty products as much as possible. I have a lot of essential oils from Young Living and DoTerra. I use them on my body and on my house. I have to be careful because I have cats and I have read that diffusing them in the air might not be good for them so I only do it in a room that is closed off to them and only I go into. I haven’t had any meat since Tuesday and I have to say I do see a difference in my energy level. I have been watching videos from The Raw Boy, Fully Raw Christina, Rawvanna, and others, as well as reading The Medical Medium’s books (he promotes vegan raw and cooked). If I want to see change in the world I have to make those changes as well. So I saved recipes and made out a meal plan for the week. I don’t think my family will join me on this journey and that’s ok. If and when they are ready they will do it.

OH!!! I found out I have 2 baby birds in my hanging plant that is on my patio. They are so darn cute!!! I see mom flying in and out of there feeding them it is so precious.

 

 

Calm yourself girl!

Two weeks ago I was having major issues with my Internet because my provider decided to do an upgrade. It would have been nice to have a warning. I was not able to get online for three days and that was three days I was not able to go online to my class. I was ticked my instructor would do give me any forgiveness about the situation. We continued to have issues with the internet and the customer service rep said we should have been fine so he sent someone out here. When the tech came out he said everything was fine we just needed to do……..something….I forgot lol. So my husband continues to try things and made another phone call. We were able to get my computer connected to the modem and I wasn’t have the same issues any longer. I was so irritated and then I logged on to my class and the reply my instructor gave to a question I had was written in a way that made me fuming. I was about to throw the biggest temper tantrum ever!!! I stopped for a second and realized in my initial message I forgot to ask another question that would have made the reply different. So I took a deep breath and got out of my feelings. I explained to my instructor the other question I forgot and I was in such a rush to get the message sent off because of the way the internet kept erring out on me I did it too fast.

It was a good reminder to remain calm because my reaction can make or break a situation. On a better note I have two more assignments to do and I will be done with this class and then I start student teaching! I will be graduating in two months and I am so proud of myself!! I did it!! I have worked my ass off!

My sister L was diagnosed a month ago with lung cancer. At first the doctor sounded optimistic saying she was at stage one or two. When she had a PET scan done the doctors tone changed because the tumor is in a dangerous area between the right lung and the heart. They are going to do chemo for five days a week and then radiation for one day (I think that’s right). I wondered if the stage changed after the scan but I don’t want to ask, I want my sister to remain calm and as positive as possible. We have been talking about eating healthier, smoothies, and juicing. Today she tells me she is not sure she will be able to juice because it might interfere with her chemo. I have heard of so many people having positive results with taking supplements, juicing, and changing their diets. Is it true? I know a person has to be careful about supplements but I have doubts about doctors many times because many don’t know about alternative treatments that work and can work with modern medicine. I don’t know I just want my sister to be okay.

 

 

Love

I was listening to the Black Eyed Peas redone Where is the Love. There is a part in there that DJ Khaled says Love is the Key, Love is the Answer, Love is the Solution, Love is Powerful. Yes it is!! How do we get more of it, show more of it, give more of it? It starts with each of us. I was shown a video about Quincy Blakely and I was shocked, outraged, and angry that this man has been treated in such a manner. It is easy to say he should have just listened to the police officer but watching that video I was confused as to what the right thing to do was because that officer was out of line and wrong. We need changes in the world!! Why is this man still in jail? There is no way he should be, it seems to me they are punishing him for not listening to the officer. The verdict about Philando Castile shocked me but his mom was given money. I guess that is suppose to make it ok but the officer walks free? It is situations like this that make me wonder how can we infuse more love into the world? How can we get to a better place? Look at all the terrorist attacks, how do we overcome that? I hate war, yet don’t we have to protect our own country or is this what we have been taught to think?

We need more love in our schools, in our barns, in our homes. Animals need to be treated better also. I am a huge fan of the Gentle Barn, they have rescue barns in California, Tennessee, and Missouri. They have been a big reason why I have decided to not eat meat or use dairy. When you really see how these animals are treated how can we not care? How can this be ok?

More prayer, more positive energy, more action, more visualizing is a few ways to start.

I was talking with my assistant today about our classroom. We have 4-5 years olds and it is easy to have expectations that are too high. At that age they still need to be taught what their emotions are and how to handle them. Our conversation was really good and positive. We both agreed we want to set the tone in the classroom to be calm and encouraging. I had one little boy today that was mad he didn’t get his way so he through a fit. I asked him if throwing a fit is going to make it better? He said no. I asked him to please take a few deep breaths and calm down so we could talk. He immediately took some breaths and I asked him what was wrong that he through a fit. He was mad a friend took his spot in line. He found some garbage on the floor and wanted to throw it away. I told him that was very kind of him to make sure our classroom was clean. I turned to the friend and explained to her why he left the line and would she please let him have his place in line again? She said yes. I turned to the little boy and told him when he went back to the line that is what he needed to say to his friend. I explained that when he threw the fit his friend didn’t know what he was saying or why, that is why it is important to be calm. If I would have just told him to stop throwing a fit and get to the back of the line I would have missed a great opportunity to teach him how to handle his frustration and how to problem solve the situation. I always tell my class they can come to myself or the other teacher for help. I swear to you, how we react and how we talk it all contributes to how our classroom is going to respond. My assistant and I want to infuse even more love in our room.

I was told by a parent today that she and her husband have separated. I immediately know what to do. I have been through this with my biological parents as well as many classroom children. I told mom I would make sure her daughter got extra hugs and love. I am told by at least 8 children everyday multiple times a day “I love you Ms. D”. I always tell them I love them too. When my assistant first started in my classroom she was so happy to see how the children were and I quickly responded with love. She said I have my rules and am quick to correct the not so good behavior but it is with love always. So we continue to teach and guide so that way these children can become adults with love, problem solving skills, good vocabulary, and how to work as a team.

When I think of my class I have hope for the future.

Lets’ be better friends, let’s put more love in the world!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chris Cornell

Ever since I first heard about the death of Chris Cornell my emotions have been all over the place. Some may say I have been triggered because of my daughter’s suicide attempts. There are a few different reason flying around the media as to why Chris committed suicide. I have heard it was because of a medication he took too much of and that he was just depressed. Chris is the only one that can answer that question and it is heartbreaking to me that his wife and children are left with a huge hole in their hearts and in their lives. Back in January a friend’s son who was only 16 years old committed suicide; his mom and little brother found him, they had to be the ones to cut him down. My emotions and my heart cannot even begin to process the pain that my friend felt that day and continues to feel everyday. I was very good friends with her father, he passed away a year ago in Feb. I can only hope my friend has his grandson there with him. How many times have we heard of young children dying from suicide because of bullying? How do we stop this? How do we help someone so deep in depression know they are loved, wanted, and matter? I have talked to my daughter and she told me she gets so tired of fighting with herself. She is tired of feeling like a failure in life, she knows she is loved yet she feels like she is swimming in the pit of never-ending darkness. I have read and heard from others that suicide is to end the pain, end the constant internal fight.

I sit there and listen. Wow how powerful is that! Then I hear people say that someone who commits suicide is a selfish coward. I’m not quiet about that at all! EXCUSE ME?!?!?! Someone who is trying to end their pain is not looking for attention. Are there attention seekers out there? Yes, however, many people are far from seeking attention!! Mental illness is no joke! It can be so exhausting, heartbreaking, and cruel. I get so irritated at my daughter for not doing everything she can do try to get better but I have to be patient and not push her. It is easy for me to say, go to therapy, take your pills, exercise, get out in the sun etc etc. But when she already fights with herself I don’t want to be a nag. So what do I do? I get my Young Living and DoTerra oils and I rub her down, I diffuse them in the air, I turn on my hymalayan salt lamp, I make smoothies, juices, and other healthy meals,  give her supplements, play relaxing and uplifting music. Does it work? I think it helps a bit but no matter what I have to try. I pray over my children, I pray over my home, I burn frankincense and myrrh, rosemary, and sage (only the frankincense and myrrh together). I read books that will help me understand my daughter and how to deal with her. I can’t go to therapy just yet, not until our insurance kicks in. I am not too proud to say I need help to learn how to deal with my feelings, and so I don’t feel like I am walking on egg shells around my daughter.

When I am finished with school in a few months I want to look into how I can help suicidal people. I want our mental healthcare to get better and do better so I need to find out how I can advocate for this to happen.

I suffer from different health issues and I get tired of the way I feel and all the things I have to do to keep myself living. If this is even part of what someone who suffers from suicidal tendencies feels like my heart is with them!

I have to go listen to some uplifting music my heart is so heavy right now. If you are reading this. I wish you nothing but peace, love, and wellness! Be Blessed my friends

I am alive after all!

So my last post I said that I had three classes left, I think I was off I had four. Whatever the case only one left then I will start student teaching!!! I am so proud of myself, not being conceited or anything like that. I have busted my butt for four in a half years and had to pass up many family gatherings, outings, picnics, etc because I had homework to do. I in the last stretch and I am ready to be done so I can start a new path. I have two more advisors added to my list let’s see I have my academic counselor, teacher specialist, student teacher advisor, and I don’t remember what the other person’s role is.

My #2 daughter took herself off her medication. I am not happy about it at all. I understand her reasonings but what happens if she regresses? She hasn’t gone to therapy to learn the coping skills she needs. She has been visiting a friend of hers back in Wisconsin and will be back home Friday. I cannot wait to see her beautiful face! The other day I was really upset about something and I called her up to chat. Once we hung up I felt so much better, she has a way of making you laugh and forgetting stress. I text her thanking her for the conversation and many laughs.

I had to get a new computer a month ago my desktop was failing fast. I have a TON of school/teaching resources on it and I didn’t want it to completely die before I could transfer the files over to the new one.

I am trying to still get my house together. The boxes are all gone but it needs paint and decorating done. I have two different types of flooring on the first floor and it drives me crazy. It doesn’t match and it isn’t done correctly. I have plants on my patio that make it so pretty. When I first brought the jasmine home it was so fragrant but since I repotted it, it isn’t fragrant any longer. Hopefully it will start smelling pretty again. I also have some lavender, a cherry tomato plant, red and yellow bell pepper plants. I am so excited to see little cherry tomatoes starting to sprout up. The bell peppers have flowers all over 🙂

Eating home grown food tastes wonderful!!! I would love to grow a bunch of Roma tomatoes so I can make my own marinara sauce. Everything is a work in progress and one day my home will be where I want it.

The weather is getting hot so I have to go shopping for summer clothes tomorrow or I will be dying of the heat!! I am already starting to get nice coloring on my upper body, now my lower body is pitifully white. I have to change that I can’t walk around looking goofy lol.

Looks like it is time for me to get back to homework. Be back soon. Hope whoever is reading this is blessed and well!

ta ta for now friends

 

Glad to see 2016 go

Is it just me or are others glad to see 2016 go? It was a hard year for celebrities especially in the music industry. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate everything good that has happened this year. My #2 daughter is doing good. Not going to therapy but still doing much better than last year, we bought a house, and my oldest daughter is living in the same state. I am closer than ever to having my degree, I only have three classes yet. Let me tell you I am SO ready to be finished. I met some awesome teachers that allowed me to observe in their classrooms and they both would love for me to student teach in their room. Not sure if I mentioned that my boss had to close down the preschool because of her daughter going through major mental illness. She wanted me to buy it but I didn’t feel I could put anymore on my plate. I worked at a different preschool but it was a daycare also and it is a totally different ballgame. For some reason I never fully felt at home there and then certain issues started to creep up. I made the decision to look elsewhere and immediately found new employment. This boss is really nice but recently bought the preschool and has no prior knowledge of early childhood (slaps my forehead). There have been times she asks me why I do certain things and I tell her because it is state requirements.

My cat Monster scared me so badly the other day I thought I was going to go into a panic attack. Monster is 17 years old and has hyperthyroid. I have noticed my love bug has become a crazy cat when he is around food. I was cutting up beef stew meat the other day and he kept jumping on the counter trying to get a piece. Uh no! Cats don’t need to be on my counter with food around ewww! He finally left me alone and I walked away from the counter for a minute to go by the table. I remembered I had the meat up there and didn’t trust Monster so I quickly looked and he was on the floor but it looked like he was swallowing something. I scolded him (he ran into my bedroom) and told my husband I think he had a piece of meat and is having a hard time swallowing it, so he went into our bedroom to check on Monster. My husband yells for me to come in their quick so I do. When I get into the bedroom I see my husband on the floor by Monster who is laying on his side, tongue hanging out, frothing, and gasping. I didn’t realize I pretty much through my husband out of the way and started massaging Monster’s chest and belly. I yelled for someone to call a vet and another person to google how to do the heimlich maneuver on a cat. Then I screamed for someone to get off their ass we have 5 damn cell phones in the house. Monster’s legs started stiffening up and I brought his face up and gently blew into his nose. I noticed the meat was out of his throat so I picked him up and brought him to my chest like when you are burping a baby. I  gave him another gentle blow in his nose and he started breathing and acting like Monster. I don’t know if he passed out or what but I was balling like a baby, telling him he is not leaving me like this, he better start breathing now! Our vet is like 45 minutes away and told us to go the ER animal hospital and I was like no way too far. She mentioned another place closer to our house and at this time we hung up the phone, put Monster in his carrier, and started driving. The lady answers and we explain the situation and she tells us to please hold. She comes back on and says that they have already seen three emergencies and aren’t seeing anymore. WHAT?!?!? Are you freaking kidding me? She started babbling about something else but I just hung up on her I was livid and I had to hang up before I freaked the hell out on her. My hubby googled other vets closer and we called one. They had us come in immediately. Monster was taken back to a room so they could examine him right away. They took our information and then put us in a room. The doctor came in and said everything looks great, his lungs sound clear, his vitals are on point. He warned us the next 48-72 hours are critical because if Monster developed a cough it could be asphyxia pneumonia.  We talked about Monster’s thyroid issues and him not tolerating his medicine so we are trying out a herbal extract for cats who are hyperthyroid. The dr asked me to let him know how Monster does on it because he would be interested in helping others that don’t do well on the regular medication.

I was so relieved and exhausted at the same time. That was the worst feeling I have ever felt in a very long time. The thought of losing my baby to him choking was beyond what my heart could take. My adrenals kicked in and dumped all kinds of cortisol in my system. I didn’t not sleep well that night, so I made sure to take a supplement called Adrenal Success. I also have been eating too much sugar and need to get back on the very limited sugar bandwagon. I notice I feel icky when I have sugar and then my muscles and joints are achy so why bother doing that to myself.

On a happier note, my son turned 17 today. How did that happen? I blinked and he grew up. My mom had to go back to Illinois Christmas day so she could visit my uncle. He was told a week ago he has stage four lung and bone cancer, he only has 2-6 months to live. I guess the number 7 rib is gone…eaten up by cancer. This is totally heartbreaking! I remember when  I was a little girl I was scared of his mustache and he thought it was hilarious. He is the nicest man who would give you the shirt off his back, oh let’s not forget his humor…..have mercy I have laughed many times. I was FaceTiming my mom this morning and she was saying how my uncle’s ex-wife was at the gathering yesterday. Mom said she caught the ex looking at my uncle so lovingly and it was sweet and broke her heart. I asked why? Mom said she’s known she since was 8 years old those two were meant to be but something got in the way. OMG talk about tugging at the heartstrings!! Ma, you’re killing me over here.

See why I want a new year and for it to be better? I know its life and we have to do the best we can. There is so much to look forward to in 2017 I hope I can make it a great one!

I better get off of here so I can let the cramps in my hands go away and get the burnt ends out of the smoker. Have a great night friends and be blessed!